Work and Worship

New Calling, NOT New Identity

20 years ago, I met Jesus. He has continued to love me, extend constant grace, and show me more of who He is. Long ago, I began dreaming of ways to live out who Jesus wants me to be. One of those dreams was to be a mommy. Another was to teach my children. As the season of childBEARING has ended (I guess there can always be a sweet surprise), a new season has sprung. We have felt God tugging at our hearts to home-school our four kids. Not necessarily forever, but for now. He has called us to this enormous task. Tears of joy in my throat– I am obeying by God’s grace. God is making this dream (authored by him) come true.

The abyss of knowledge, methods, theories, and resources has been exciting, overwhelming, and humbling.  Early on in the research phase, I felt a gentle tug from the Holy Spirit, warning me to not make “home-schooler” a new identity for myself. THIS IS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME! TO DO ANYTHING WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE and NOT BECOME IT!? It is good to find WHO I AM in Jesus. I don’t stop there. I add to my Gospel Identity and I “BECOME” my roles or tasks. Wife, mom, friend, home-maker, pastor’s wife, whatever. My successes and failures creep into my identity like gnarly weeds.

So, the question I started asking God is. “How, LORD, can I do home-schooling with passion and tenderness, humility and grace and NOT let it define me?” ….waiting on the Lord. I began to feel stripped of something deep. Thus, began a heart change. God revealed my sin. I was unmasked.

The masks I am prone to wear are of colorful and confident successes in many areas. I tend to sprinkle the mask with gospel glitter, so that even if I’m arrogant, somehow God gets a shot at Glory. Let me spell this out for you. When esteemed as a wife, my identity mask shines brightly, finding hope and who I am as a Godly wife. When my house is in order the mask sparkles with praise to me. I’ve found meaning in my roles and jobs for too long. There has been gobs of redemption to worship Jesus in this! Yet, this gigantic undertaking of homeschooling has dug out at a deeper layer of where I find my identity. Even a blessing, like a dream come true can be a place for weed-pulling.

Deep in my heart, my Identity in Christ is secure. Along the way, as a believer, I have neglected strengthening my grip on Gospel Identity and slipped in to becoming whatever I do. What I DO as NOT who I am.

So, to wrap things up– God is pursuing big things for my kids hearts and for mine. He wants me to use my gifts with my children so that they know God. Not so they think I am a great teacher. I am more vulnerable than I have ever been. I asked for help just the other day. Humility and Grace are sinking in. Thankfully, my Jesus is rescuing my Identity!