Work and Worship

God is my refuge.

Alone. Afraid. Chaos. Thirteen years old. Living in a turbulent home, I sought simple shelter under my blankets.  Haunted by the threat of violence, my heart trembled with fear. Confused and confronted with burdens beyond my maturity, I tried to be strong. I couldn’t turn to anyone but God. Thankfully, Jesus made himself known to me a few months before we found out that my dear grandmother had been murdered. Familiar daily fears were nothing compared to the drama of fearing death. Grief-stricken and terrified, how would I survive?

How do any of us survive the threats of life and believe that we are safe? I needed a shelter from the storm. I longed for help. My rescuer was near.

Psalm 46:1. God is our refuge and strength, a very present help is trouble. Therefore we will not fear though the earth gives way, though the mountains be moved into the heart of the sea...

Exhausted and weak, something shifted in my heart. As unsurmountable trouble in my home attempted to steal my hope in God, it felt as if the earth was giving way. God was inviting me to find safety in his arms. Scared and tenderly calling out for help…

I had to fight fear with fear of the Lord.

God ignited a fight in my heart to not give in to fear, but to trust his love to protect me. Beautifully, God showed me that He is all that I have. All other potential saviors were stripped away. False hopes, security, love, comfort– all absent. I realized that it was just me and Jesus. Suddenly, my heart filled with hope. If all I had was Jesus, I had everything. Jesus is God and he loves me. He is my rescuer, redeemer, and very present help in trouble.

Twenty years ago now, though I remember it like it was yesterday. Joy replaced the darkness in my heart. I ran to my refuge. I still struggle with fear. But, with God himself as my shield my battle is always won. Fear of the Lord is a beautiful and brutal battle of the heart. As long as I live, fears of this life will try to threaten my safe place of trusting God. Fighting is believing that Christ has already won the battle and I believe Jesus will continue to redeem my heart in the midst of it.

Are you fighting fear with fear in the Lord? He is your refuge and very present help in trouble!