We are desperate for change.
Broken people–which is all of us–want change. Devastated by sin done against us and despairing in sinful responses; we desire to be redeemed from it all. We want free from pain, suffering, and condemnation. For Christians, change is linked to repentance. Our brokenness translates in to godly sorrow, which brings heart change. We desire to be different. We want to be like Jesus. We don’t want to sin. In most cases, change happens slowly.  Slowly, our thoughts, motives, desires, and behaviors are altered by the Holy Spirit, as we trust God to change us.

When a believer is stuck in a rut, there is a frustration with self. We take a look at ourselves and fixate on the problem. A solution is in order.  Anxiously, we survey the “self help” options like an overweight person peruses the diet ads. Motivated by wanting a fix for our broken self, we shop around. Redemption, then, becomes a desirable product to be purchased. Like an infomercial, we are inspired by the before and afters, hoping and coveting results. Except, it isn’t weight loss that we are after, it is our hearts that need changed.

You can’t buy redemption.
Redemption is about the Redeemer, but so easily we make it about the result of being loved by the Redeemer, which results in redemption. We want his gifts often more than Jesus, himself. Redemption isn’t a commodity; it is an experience of the transforming power of the gospel. One can want redemption, but it begins and ends with wanting Jesus. It is a subtle yet significant difference too see people thirsty for redemption more than craving the redeemer for lasting satisfaction. There is a complex temptation to focus on being changed rather than fixing our heart’s gaze on Christ.

The self-aware man that finds himself frustrated and in a perplexing cycle of condemnation and temptation wants out. He wants change. He might be tempted to be more curious about analysis than repentance and relationship with Christ. The people-pleaser gal that finds herself never measuring up to the expectations of everyone in her life, might be tempted to dutifully work out her change process instead of focusing on Jesus who is already pleased. The lonely abused man wants healed, yet the only lasting satisfaction is being known by God. Wanting redemption more than wanting God is a common and often overlooked delusion.  Because God loves us beyond our comprehension, we can’t fathom the scope of redemption that is available, in Christ. Like, missing the tree in the forest, our vision is blurred when we miss Christ amidst the redemption. We can’t bring redemption to ourselves or muster up change. We need a miracle.

Jesus bought miraculous redemption.
You are already loved. Redemption is as certain as Christ’s resurrection. As heart change happens, so can our realization of the miracle that occurs. Jesus died in our place, for our redemption. His blood was shed so that ours wouldn’t have to be. He endured the cross so that we wouldn’t have to pay the penalty for sin. Often, we stumble through life ignoring this miracle of redemption. Instead, we work for our own redemption. Before we know it, we’ve put God on the sidelines in the game we play of  becoming a “better person.” Change is inevitable, as the Holy Spirit is given room to transform us. Repenting to Jesus ignites the grace that God freely gives us. Our hearts are changed because God intends for us to become more like Jesus.  Jesus is our redemption.

It is ALL grace.
Tempted to “fix ourselves,”(which is impossible) we focus on the “change process,” instead of the “changer” himself. His grace makes redemption possible.

Ephesians 1:7 In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of sins, in accordance with the riches of God’s grace 8 that he lavished on us.

We can’t muster up the courage to change ourselves. We need a miracle. God has promised us that he is faithful to redeem us because he lavishes grace upon us. Through the blood of Jesus, we are changed, we are loved.

Believing that God’s grace is abounding; we need—we have to believe— and remind others to not be dazzled by the change process, but to fix our eyes on Jesus wholeheartedly. Jesus already bought redemption for us, and we can stand in confidence. He has lavished his love upon us. We can gaze at his face, changed by his grace and believe that he will (eventually) change us into his image.

Running

Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of
witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so
closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2
looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy
that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is
seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

Life swirls around me and I grab some time to stop and rest. All these schedules, tasks, duties, relationships,  budgets, demands, errands, ministry, friends, birthdays, neighbors, projects- all capture my attention. Chaotic work and memories flash behind me and I strain forward in this race of “getting things done.”

Thus is the race of our Christian faith. Specifically, my roles as wife and mother. What waits for me as my reward and what motivates my heart to work hard? Throughout the day, what drives me? What is my rest and peace? What are my eyes focused on?

Oh so easily, my eyes are fixed on the little rewards of productivity, the before and afters, the praise from those near me to appreciate my work. My fake rewards leave me empty.

God Himself is my true reward.

He is my motivation.

There is an actual finish line and our home in heaven is waiting for us, our inheritance. Bridging the gap of work and my heart is worship. God wants me to run this race of life with endurance. He has set before me this body, this life, this heart to look to Jesus. I run hard for nothing, an endless race, if I am not looking to Jesus. Jesus is the why of my worship, the object, my reward.

Colossians 3: 23-24 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not
for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as
your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

When the peace turns to chaos, fits are thrown, demands on my time are pressuring, and there is no way dinner is getting made, I freeze and am tempted throw my hands in the air and give up.  Overwhelming feelings of my weakness threaten my faith. What keeps me moving forward with endurance? It can only be Jesus that moves me.

I am not alone. I don’t have to be strong.

God is with me now, He is my strength all along, not just at the finish line. He is with me with every move I make, every thought, every tender feeling. He is the promised land, but I am already there! In Christ, I am both running towards Him and with Him.

As I run this intense calling- my worship is increasing. My independence is decreasing. And.. I fall in to God’s precious arms, so that He can carry me the rest of the way.

What is the “Good Portion?”

Often distracted with much serving like Martha, I stop worshiping. I can turn inward and worry or get busy with work when I could be choosing Jesus, the Good Portion. When laser-focused on tasks, my heart loses sight of worship. My body may be active but my heart is disengaged.

So, what is the “good portion?” Many times in scripture, portion is associated with heritage, right, inheritance, or simply a portion of land. Here are some examples:

• “The Lord is my portion; I promise to keep your words” (Psalm 119:57).
• “I cry to you, O LORD; I say, You are my refuge, my portion in the land of the living” (Psalm 142:5).

In Luke 10, Mary chose to focus her attention on the good portion–Jesus. Martha, though, had her focus elsewhere. According to John Calvin, “Martha by distracting her attention, and undertaking more labor than was necessary, deprived herself of the advantage of Christ’s visit.”

For the last few years (as a repentant Martha) I have been asking God: What does it look like to choose the good portion in my work? Can my work be worship?

What is more important?

Every day God gifts me opportunities to learn this through motherhood. Distractions, needs and simple demands for my attention from those around me require me to choose what’s most important. I can either push through my agenda, or pray for discernment to see the good portion in each moment and cheerfully pursue it instead

Today, after returning home from an errand, I had one hour to clean up, make lunch, get my older three children to get back to their school work, and put my three-year-old down for a nap by 1:00 when a visitor would arrive. The clock and the list of things to do met me at the door and I set out to achieve my goals for the hour.

Then I saw that one of my sons was visibly distraught from a conflict that he’d had when we were out on errands. My heart sank. “Seriously?” I thought. “Now? No! I have to clean the kitchen and prepare lunch!” I felt frustrated and interrupted. My plan was now competing with my son.

Redemptive thoughts began to fill my mind. Emotional interest and willingness to pursue my son replaced my agenda to accomplish. His little heart is more important than getting my stuff done. We ended up talking for forty-five minutes. As the Holy Spirit gave me direction on what was more important in that moment, my heart was content to focus differently. Choosing the “good portion” of God in that moment was cheerfully submitting to that moment.

My heart is so easily swept away by my agendas, desires and plans. While ambition and hard work can be a strength, it can also be a temptation to prioritize sinfully. If I would have chosen to clean my kitchen, make lunch, and focus my attention on other needs first, like Martha I would’ve missed the pleasure of choosing the “good portion.” Those times reveal my lack of flexibility and stubborn heart.

A moment-by-moment choice

Choosing Jesus is an ongoing, moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit to give me confidence and clarity on where to focus my heart’s attention. Where do you find that you aren’t flexible and declare your agenda as most important? Who gets “missed” as a result?

Love this video…Especially love how towards the end MENTIONS WORK AS WORSHIP!

In this sermon, Pastor Mark teaches about how in Luke chapter 10, Mary and Martha respond differently to Jesus. This story was part of my repentance 4 years ago and has continued to be a foundational in my blog. I am thankful to Pastor Mark for communicating it well!

Perhaps, you practically and mentally live out a rich understanding of calling in thoughtful worship by prioritizing your roles and tasks with humility and repentance…?

Well…Most of us want to live out of a Godly vision for the details of our lives, but we find ourselves off course–straying from that passion and conviction. Our attention swerves off the road and we forget where we were headed. We lose perspective and our attention grows lazy and unintentional.

Does your attention fit with God’s love and plan for you on a daily basis?

Somehow, my attention gets distracted and near-sighted. Like Martha is in  Luke 10, I can lose sight of the big picture and my eyes only see what is right in front of me. Even worse, with whatever is right in front of me, I grumble. My attention is a signal for what I worship, like a flashing warning sign, and my heart’s distraction is blaring.

Recently, my road of repentance has been an increased awareness of a wordly/sinful/idolatrous pre-occupation with my appearance. Which is sinful vanity. Healthy habits such as nutrition, exercise, and beauty have taken up too much space in my thoughts. I’ve given too much attention to these things and sinfully allowed these streams of ideas  and lies into my heart and furthermore worshipped myself in it. Too much attention to these thoughts and actions has become idolatry and worship of myself.

The “loops” in my head reveal what I desire in my heart.

Behind our actions are motivations, thoughts, patterns of behavior that reveal either our rebellion OR redemption in Christ. For me with the vanity issues, I have allowed those lies and my own sin to become such familiar territory that I will willingly dwell on those desires more than gratitude to God for who he is.

Like addiction, attention is a habit of thinking, believing and continues to motivate our actions. Attention is what we are cultivating in our minds. Attention shows us what we value, believe, and fight for.

As the Holy Spirit broke through the noise of my distracted attention, I am beginning to see the idolatry and deeply grieve my sin. I am starting to see traces of redemption in the way that I think about my body and health. I am growing in gratitude and grumbling less. Instead of comparing my body to others, which is envy and covetousness– I am praying that I would be thankful for what God has given me.  As I exercise, I am desiring to worship Jesus by stewarding my body, like I desire to take care of my family.  My attention is being redeemed.

Renewing our minds is something only the Holy Spirit can do. We can cling to that hope and do not lose heart. As God reveals attention to sinful distractions, I can trust Jesus to love me through it. I can repent of my wandering heart and praise God that He is bringing a worshipful response to what Jesus has done for me.

The other side of work is REST. Both work and rest are amazing opportunities for worship. God has had me on a journey full of difficult twists and turns- learning how to depend on Him in my work, letting go of agendas, navigating through glory and repentance, and giving my roles to God as worship.

Genesis: 2:2
And on the 7th Day God finished his work that he had done, and he rested on the 7th day from all his work that he had done.

God rested.
We are finite creatures, unlike our Infinite God. He didn’t “need” rest, yet He rested. A whole day devoted to rest. He wasn’t weak or tired. He didn’t need to rest just to make it through to the next crazy busy week. What if God rested out of pure love for his people- as an example to show us how to  worship Him also by resting?

We are mind, body, heart. Our bodies often rest first, but does our mind and soul?

I don’t rest well. Work is my default and rest is more difficult. I work until I “need” to rest.  Rest is more of a necessity rather than discipline most of the time. Rest feels like pleasure and is far too infrequent. Yet, God calls me to rest – not as an optional survival method.

How many of us when we rest, take the moments to enjoy God? Our busyness is stilled and our soul finds satisfaction in refreshment of God? And when we experience this soul rest, we regret not resting more often? Exactly. That is why God established the Sabbath, to give us weekly opportunity to worship Him, with disciplined rest. Our bodies slow down long enough for our minds to be hearing the Lord, enjoy him, and be renewed.

We can rest, because we can trust God to take care of us.

Psalm 121 3 He will not let your foot slip— 
 he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel –will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you— the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day, – nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm— 
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going  both now and forevermore.

The Lord does not sleep, he is constantly aware and watchful. We can rest because our Lord is caring for us. I don’t know about you, but that makes me want to calm down, take deep breaths, feel the warmth of my savior’s protection around me, and rest.
My soul rest is connected to my belief or unbelief. If I am anxious, I am not likely resting. If I am fearful, I am not likely to be calm.

God wants us to rest.

Learning to rest feels like work! This is a new thing for me, but I know God will continue to pursue my heart and I look forward to more restful moments with him. The unsatisfied feeling of rest can change. As God brings conviction and clarity, I am hopeful for continued calm and sweet rest.

Godly Ambition is reverent activism that constantly depends on the Holy Spirit to accomplish what he wants to do through us.

Selfish ambition is striving to accomplish anything for our own end, our own glory. It is a cold and empty lie that cheats us out of worship.

Dave Harvey in his new book, Rescuing Ambition calls ambition– the instinctual motivation to aspire to things, to make something happen, to have an impact, to count for something in life.

I’ve always had ambition, a passionate drive to accomplish as much as I can. Hyperactivity and the love of accomplishment have characterized my days. One could call it work ethic – a God created, directed vision for success that guides my dreams and decisions with passion and humility every day?! However, because of my sinful heart I so often in an effort to “check off the boxes” in my days, along the way, I steal God’s glory and feel pride in my work. As God changes me, ambition is changing, work is becoming more worshipful. I am SLOWLY becoming more dependent on Jesus and am more aware of His hand in even the smallest of tasks.

Pursuing ambition can certainly be self-glorifying.  I don’t want to merely sprinkle bible verses and prayers on my ambitious striving and call it Godly.  Seems to me calling my ideas God’s, is pretty low on the scale of selfish ambition. So how can we, pursue Jesus in life’s ambitions and trust that God will keep us from all evil. (Psalm 121)

1. God created us to be ambitious. (for HIS glory)

2. He wants us to work hard, steward well, and exercise wisdom with dreams, plans, and actions.

3. Ultimately, all that we DO or DREAM is for Jesus to look good, not us.

4. He knows me personally and the Gospel transforms my heart, plans, and dreams every day.

5. The Grace of God is where I get approval, in my justification before God is my peace.

6. Striving towards worship in my actions, prayers, and dependence on Jesus refines my motivations.

Awareness of the temptation to sin with ambition can suffocate a God given desire to act. “True humility doesn’t kill our dreams; it provides a guardrail for them, ensuring that they remain on God’s road and move in the direction of his glory.”

As Christians, we have a deep down appetite for God’s glory. Each of us have different expressions of worshipful response to the awe of God’s glory. When we plan our lives and actions, we must pray for wisdom and ask, “am I worshiping Jesus with this?”

If we love God’s glory, it translates into a lifelong, passionate quest –in other words, godly ambition.

Jesus Christ embodies the glory of God. As we come face to face with the Cross of Jesus, we are compelled in belief and worship. The grace of God wires us for ambition. Ambition that is authored by the in-dwellling Holy Spirit inspires us to “do” for his glory.

The good news with ambition for us, is that we can run with passion to point others to Jesus, by loving Jesus and others through the works he has given us to to.

Ambition can be sinful, but DOES NOT mean we should go apathetic because of our fear of sin. As sure as we are God’s loved kids, he will keep us from evil (Psalm 121) and rescue our hearts. He will create in us passion, conviction, and action to Give HIM Glory.

Are you worshiping Jesus with your ambitions?

Just yesterday, I felt proud with all that I got done in the day. Pride sucks out the humility and my arrogance kills worship. Good thing God is patient to redeem my heart in this area!

What about you? Are you competent in your work? At the end of the day, are you pleased with your accomplishments? Does your “plate” seem manageable? Are you satisfied even if you didn’t get your work done? Are you proud if you accomplish or grumble if you don’t?

Arrogance can sneak in with our completed tasks. As the boxes are checked, pride can carry us to the next action item. The ambitious heart seeks the next challenge and self-sufficiency is commonly the energy that drives our achievements. Self-confidence and self-sufficiency is often what motivates, not worship and dependence on God.

2 Corinthians 3:4-5
Such is the confidence that we have through Christ toward God. Not that we are sufficient in ourselves to claim anything as coming from us, but our sufficiency is from God, who has made us competent to be ministers of the new covenant, not of the letter but of the Spirit. For the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

What does Godly confidence look like, then?

I can stand in confidence in God’s grace that I am a woman that Jesus loves. Jesus gives me all that I need as I depend on Him to complete (or not complete) my work each day. I can worship with confidence and competence, believing that I am not my work. My task list does not define me.

If I believe that the Holy Spirit is what drives me throughout my day, then I can stand confident even when there are incomplete tasks. My competence and confidence are not contingent on my accomplishments. My confidence is in Jesus and the work HE does, not my work. Jesus’ work on the Cross is what identifies me. He has made me competent to be a minister of the Gospel of Grace. Sometimes that means competence in completed tasks, other days competent in incomplete tasks, all the while needing Him to define my days for me.

God defines me, not my work. Grace feels wonderful.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My heart naturally resists depending on God when I’m weak. The noise in my heart, amplified by tough self-sufficiency, can drown out the Holy Spirit’s reminder: “my power is made perfect in your weakness.”

…yet weakness is a gift.
And then there are the times when his voice breaks through the noise and exposes my heart. It is a struggle to swallow my pride and obey, but it is that turn of repentance—right in the midst of the mess—that I begin to hope again.

The truth is that I am weak every second, not just when I feel overwhelmed. Jesus wants me to see that when I am overwhelmed, he is giving me a gracious gift: seeing more clearly my constant need for him. So rather than denying weakness, I can boast in it because it draws me closer to Jesus in worship.

Like the other day– I was scurrying around the house getting stuff done feeling very behind on my seemingly urgent tasks. Our third child invited me to play dolls. Pause. Graciously say no or accept this opportunity to connect with my daughter? In the moment, my overwhelmed with my work– heart was faint. I thought, “I can’t play right now!” Yet, the Holy Spirit changed my thoughts to dependence and flexibility in my weakness. We had a great time playing. When I went back to work, my heart was more tender than it was previously.

Feeling overwhelmed is a signal to check my heart’s dependence on God. Am I softened to the Holy Spirit? Digging in to depend on God? Do I find my soul’s refreshment in God’s sufficiency? In these times, I’m learning to cling to my savior who accomplished perfect work on the cross and continues to save me from my sin. God meets me at the point of my prideful self-sufficiency and lovingly brings me to my knees in worshipful dependence.

Worship through work is not just working hard for God’s glory; it is also in the attitude of humility, realizing how weak and unable we are. We can all grow in dependence on Christ and boast in our weakness. We must humble ourselves before the face of God and thank him for the gift of weakness.

I am zooming in on what I call Godless Independence. It’s Godless because it denounces consciously or unconsciously the presence of God in our lives. Godless because it says to God, “ I got this one, thank you very much.”

One could blame this human independence issue on our culture, thriving on accomplishments and performance. One could decide to blame it on: apathetic communities that turn their backs on poverty–which can produce some independent, bitter people vowing never to burden society again,  poor parenting, absent family members, bullies who slap you around, feminist philosophies meant to drain you of the Biblical confidence in God’s design for our roles, and/ or the buffet of worldly ideas that build your “self concept.” Our world loves independence! We praise you for “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps”, proud of your ability to shine while you did it all alone.

Actually, the blame.. the Core of the issue doesn’t lie within these circles outside ourselves. They are noteworthy influences, that is true. However, the real problem lies in our own hearts.  You, and me babe. We are born with a resistance to God’s help. That urge to go it alone is a battle within our heart. It is in opposition to God’s loving enabling grace for us.

God lovingly and sovereignly created us in His image. We belong to him and are made for His Glory. Since the Fall, God’s beloved kids have foolishly claimed, “Do it by myself!” To –God! How wretched! From our career building to spouse selection, we know best? What? Especially with the little things: our schedules, our friendships, our tasks; do we believe that God cares and is paying attention to the details of our lives? Do we really believe that we can chart our own course?

I have been an Independence Queen. I shudder looking back on the foolish and prideful beliefs that I have acted on. A few years ago, I had this helpful image in mind when describing this Godless Independence. The picture was of me walking along: focused, driven, and Jesus is holding my hand, enabling each event, relationship, and task. In my independence, I shake his hand away. At first casually I shrug him off. I think. Then, my desires and my own ambition shakes him off a little harder. My sinful desires want to pridefully accomplish life and deny the supernatural enabling grace of the Holy Spirit. Thankfully, that isn’t the whole picture. He doesn’t let me shake him away!

With repentence is the gentle reminder that God never left me, even as I try to shake his hand off. The only difference is my perception of his presence. He is always present, even if my self-sufficient heart believes he isn’t with me. God faithfully purses me personally while I stubbornly resist his help.

It is his grace at work helping me to declare war with this version of Independence. This sin, when carried out to its fullest is the horrific belief that I could actually pay the price for my sin. Godless Independence says, “I will die for myself.”

The Cross of Jesus shows me the miraculous grace that transforms this independent queen into a joyful dependent servant for God’s glory. Jesus has already won every battle that I am fighting or will fight. His righteous blood shed for me has paid the price for my sin. Christ Jesus is my Savior and I celebrate His saving grace and transforming grace that continues to change my heart.

Dependence on God is only as the Holy Spirit works to redeem me. I am asking for help a lot more often from God and others. Feeling tender-hearted and heavy with the weight of various responsibilities characterizes my thoughts. Fear of God and Prayer are Biblical categories that have given me rich truths to cling to.  I am still running fast and with passion, but I am finding more joy in worship along the way: seeing my strength, identity, and all love from my Jesus.

Here is the list:

Adults:

Jesus, Keep Me Near the Cross

Fifty Reasons Why Jesus Came to Die

Cross Centered Life

Children:

Poison Cup

The Priest With Dirty Clothes

My Easter Basket

The Week That Led to Easter

The Easter Story

Peter’s First Easter

The Very First Easter

In extreme contrast, the Controller is obsessive, busy, and demonstrates a rigid lack of flexibility.  Controllers can appear to be disciplined, productive, and virtuous. Often leaders, their lives are characterized by multitasking, vision, lists, and accomplishment. They see life as orderly chaos and their job is to orchestrate the order.

Well, you guessed it. If you know me personally or through this blog– you’ve guessed which extreme I am the closest to. Yep– the Controller. My sin with control is mostly subtle but occasionally the desire to control my environment leaks anger and anxiety like a deadly poison– affecting my family, friends, and anyone who is the obstacle to my completed task. Control hardens my heart to hear the guidance of the Holy Spirit in my day.

Ellen Vaughn, in the book, Time Peace has covered this in greater detail and has confronted me Biblically. With her prodding, I am face to face with my sin of controlling. Don’t get me wrong, a competent and organized life lived in humility is a precious opportunity to reflect Jesus. However, the more I am redeemed by the blood of Jesus, I am realizing my deep need for sanctification in even the best areas of my life. The Controller sin, in my heart is forgiveable, thankfully.

Our dear sister, Martha in Luke, chapter 10, was a controller. She lost sight of her aim to worship Jesus, and instead her goal became the task, her work, the preparation of the meal. Jesus loved her and spoke truth to her that I can only imagine humbled her competence (her ability to accomplish much) until she died. I wish that I could spend the day with Martha and ask her questions about her heart that day. I am grieved that I can relate so so much, to the distraction of being more concerned with tasks than worship so often. I can relate to the tattle telling heart that resents when others experience a freedom to engage and flex on tasks.

The Controller can eventually relax. Only by submission (yes, submission) to Christ. He can redeem to ambitious heart that seeks to get things done. As this heart transaction happens (almost daily) for me, I see how precious grace actually is and how near my Heavenly Father is to me. I can calm down, enjoy the freedom to be flexible, and worship Jesus in and through my work more quickly.

I can trust Jesus to Lord over my life, arrange it all. He has it all under control. Martha had God in the flesh pointing out her sin of controlling and her misplaced worship. Jesus was gracious to her and is the same Lord being gracious to me. In his grace, I find my hope that he can change my heart. I stand in joy and belief that as my heart is broken over sin, Jesus’ death and resurrection– I can trust Jesus to sanctify me.

I probably will always (given my personality) tend towards selfish ambition and the desire to control my environment. Jesus is changing me. And no, the opposite of who I am isn’t repentance, necessarily. I can be controlled by the Love of Jesus, rather than Me being the controller.

For the love of Christ controls us, because we have concluded this: that one has died for all, therefore all have died; and he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sake died and was raised  (2 Corinthians 5:14-15).

For more on Martha and Mary, see more of my articles here. Just search “Martha” in the search box, if this link doesn’t work for you.

Yet, the Bible calls us to Stewardship. The responsibility to care for everything is to reflect God’s goodness. What a joy to be able to see Christ in everything and respond with worshipful stewardship!

Reading through scripture, we find that few actually are Godly stewards. We squander, hide, resent, ignore, obsess, control, and basically rebel against God’s lavish gifts. He calls us to worship Him. Stewardship is an avenue in which we can express to him our gratitude for realizing his provision.

There are several categories where sin shows up in the way we engage with stewardship. Firstly, the Sluggard or the Sloth. Throughout God’s word, we see these people rebuked for their idle behavior.

The sin of sloth can invade even the busiest life. In fact, it tends to infect lives that are too busy, full of too many things.  Though we tend to lump sloth with laziness, it isn’t necessarily physical idleness. It’s more of an attitude, a spiritual idleness. The Latin term for it was acedia, which means “not caring.” Slothful people might well run around doing everything or lie around doing nothing. The core problem, either way, is that they feel nothing. Down deep, they don’t care. Sloth can be expressed both as do-nothingness– or extreme busyness that covers up the apathy within so that person doesn’t have to face its core cause. -Ellen Vaughn

The soul of a sluggard craves and get nothing while the soul of the diligent is richly supplied. Proverbs 13:4

As you read this, are you asking yourself, “Huh–Am I dadgumb sloth?” or maybe you already know that you are tempted in these ways. The sloth is apathetic and sometimes masks it with busyness so we don’t catch on to the idleness in his/her heart.

The sloth can repent! However, behavior may change, but the heart is what matters most. Pray that as God sees your (our) hearts, he would see a heart that is diligent and responding in worship with work. The good news is that Jesus can redeem these sloth-like tendencies and as we are being conformed to His image, we are rescued by His grace.

1 Corinthians 9:7 Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

“Devastation of Biblical Proportions”, some are calling the earthquake in Haiti. As we watch the footage and stare at the pictures –we are confronted head on with the contrast of our country verses theirs.

Their suffering and desperate need for aide brings tears of compassion and response that begs: donations, time, prayers, and service in as many ways as possible. We watch the events from a far and experience mercy, compassion, and sadness.

Often, as the needs are described, we scramble for resources to give, emptying out our pockets for any way to help. We are all (every person that has ever lived) image bearers of God. When, one part of us suffers, we all suffer. There is a God-given urge in our hearts to respond. But–almost as quickly as we are motivated to respond cheerfully fueled by compassion– there is often a desire to give– out of guilt.

You know what I am talking about. Guilt hits us and motivates us rather than cheerful and sacrificial giving. Or, maybe you aren’t aware. Let’s dig a little deeper to see maybe– a distinction.

Yesterday, I spoke with my children about the specific needs that the people in Haiti have. We desire to shepherd their hearts as we filter what information they get at these young ages. It is a beautiful opportunity to help them see the goodness of God, even in suffering.  Anyway, our oldest, while biting down on a cheeseburger said, “I feel bad for eating this cheeseburger.” There, you see!! I didn’t teach my son to respond that way. Part of his experience with seeing need– is a “bad” feeling when you realize you are the recipient of blessing- from a cheeseburger to any other provision. Why is it so common to have a feeling of guilt for having good things, from a good God?

I told him that he need not feel bad for what he has, but instead feel grateful for every little thing, and see the giver as God. He doesn’t need to feel guilt and from that place hand over his cheeseburger. He can both feel gratitude for God’s blessings and respond in compassionate joy to give to others in need. To share with people, with a heart to serve- excited to give as a worshipful response.

Guilt sometimes is a mask for loving compassion. We do penance instead of giving with overflowing gratitude. Humble gratitude is replaced with “bad” feelings. When we feel guilt instead of gratitude, we can pray. We can pray that God would increase our worship. Our worship opportunity here– is to see God as our Father– A good dad who gives good things to His kids. He wants us to be thankful and share. Not compelled by comparison of resources, but out of an overflow of generosity. He wants us to share generously because HE is Generous.  He delights is us, as He gives. Prayerfully, we can extend that love to others.

“The beauty of the gospel is that God supplies the grace to achieve in us the very thing that He loves. God provides grace to us that we might give cheerfully, feeling His pleasure.” – James Harvey

Seeing need and seeing plenty are both opportunities for us to see God in them. Not to just compare blessings and abundance with poverty and need. We should be responding with generosity and gratitude, NOT guilt driven religious penance.

James Harvey has this article that speaks to cheerful giving…good stuff!

Each season that I am given is an opportunity for worship. Yet, deep under the sporatic complaints and restless discontentment for my season, lies a dissatisfied heart with what God has given me.

As God calls me to my season, He is calling me to steward His grace in it.

1 Peter 4: 10 As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards, of God’s varied grace.
Ephesians 3:2 assuming that you have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace that was given to me for you.

Stewardship of God’s grace is more expansive than the stewardship of money. Christians have experienced miraculous grace and are called to be the agent of grace in many ways. We are called to manage God’s stuff (which is everything) and furthermore represent His grace.

Paul (the author of the above verses) was called and equipped by the grace of God and the power of the Holy Spirit which was a season that lasted from conversion until his death. God calls all of us to a particular season and the purpose of it is worship.

My calling shapes my season today. Serving Jesus by serving my family is my daily stewardship of God’s grace. My season is packed with overwhelming dependence on the Holy Spirit to keep my family and home running. More than checking things off a list,  I am called to steward the love and grace of God.

Managing God’s grace in my season calls me to humble service without grumbling. Being led moment by moment by God replaces going through the motions of my day.  As God lovingly directs my work;  I am more gracious and flexible with my duties. As four children experience their mother, they are seeing glimpses of God’s grace for them. The gift and weight of this calling is intense and beautiful.  And it is His grace that allows me to extend it to others.  I am truly grateful that I am in this season. I long to steward it with repentance and continual and contagious worship.

What is your season? How can you more faithfully steward God’s grace in it?

As with many things, God teaches me through the calling of motherhood. The fog of Christmas gets clearer as I am compelled to give my children an appetite for worship. As I check toys off the list, I should all the more be looking at my list for their hearts. Do I have a list of each child’s heart needs, where they are at with Jesus and how I can love them? It is more valuable eternally for me to pay attention to that list. Pointing them to Jesus is the greatest gift I can give.

Have you ever made a list of free things you can do with and for your family and children that exhibits service, humility, training in Godliness? A list that– is a worshipful response to God, stewarding relationships not with things but with heart? Make time think and pray about your family and seriously write down how you can love them more this year. With each item, ask yourself, “is this free, sacrificial, will they feel loved, does this point them to Jesus, does this cultivate our relationship unselfishly?”

Christmas is a beautiful season, but it is also a season to reflect on various areas of our hearts that God is moving in. Drawing nearer to the Savior is such joy! WE do that through worship! Just as he sent the greatest gift to us, Jesus, we are called to recognize and respond in worship all year round. The busyness of of the season distracts us all from treasuring Jesus.

As Mary with her new baby– king Jesus, treasured the events in her heart, let us respond to Christmas in our hearts.

^{Luke 2:16}So they hurried off and found Mary and Joseph, and the baby, who was lying in the manger. ¹⁷When they had seen him, they spread the word concerning what had been told them about this child, ¹⁸and all who heard it were amazed at what the shepherds said to them. ¹⁹But Mary treasured up all these things and pondered them in her heart. ²⁰The shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things they had heard and seen, which were just as they had been told.

I have felt urged to remember – how is God revealing Himself to you this Christmas? Are you worshiping Jesus in what you are doing? Are you distracted with much? Who are you trying to please? When you go about your activities, what are you motivated by? Do you feel the weight and joy of the task of shepherding your children?

Is your heart tender to Jesus? Are you hurried, distracted, thinking about tasks and purchases?

If those same strangers, asked YOU, “What do you want for Christmas?” What would you say?

God became a man, Jesus. The Incarnation is unfathomable. Let’s not miss Jesus in Christmas.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

My heart naturally resists depending on God when I’m weak. The noise in my heart, amplified by tough self-sufficiency, can drown out the Holy Spirit’s reminder: “my power is made perfect in your weakness.”

…yet weakness is a gift.
There are the times when his voice breaks through the noise and exposes my heart. It is a struggle to swallow my pride and obey, but it is in that turn of repentance—right in the midst of the mess—that I begin to hope again.

The truth is that I am weak every second, not just when I feel overwhelmed. Jesus wants me to see that when I am overwhelmed, he is giving me a gracious gift: the ability to see more clearly my constant need for him. So rather than denying weakness, I can boast in it because it draws me closer to Jesus in worship.

For example, the other day I was scurrying around the house getting stuff done, feeling very behind on my seemingly urgent tasks. Our third child invited me to play dolls. Pause. Graciously say no, or accept this opportunity to connect with my daughter? In the moment, my heart was faint, overwhelmed with my work. I thought, “I can’t play right now!” Yet, the Holy Spirit changed my thoughts to dependence and flexibility in my weakness. We had a great time playing. When I went back to work, my heart was more tender than it had been previously.

Feeling overwhelmed is a signal to check my heart’s dependence on God. Am I softened to the Holy Spirit? Digging in to depend on God? Do I find my soul’s refreshment in God’s sufficiency? In these times, I’m learning to cling to my Savior, who accomplished perfect work on the cross and continues to save me from my sin. God meets me at the point of my prideful self-sufficiency and lovingly brings me to my knees in worshipful dependence.

Worship through work is not just working hard for God’s glory; it is also in the attitude of humility, realizing how weak and unable we are. We can all grow in dependence on Christ and boast in our weakness. We must humble ourselves before the face of God and thank him for the gift of weakness.

“the driving forces in religion are self-exaltation, love of status, reputation, visibility, pursuing religious behavior for gain, essentially becomes a puppet of self-righteousness. Ultimately using God as a superstition because of fear and control, getting the goodies and avoiding the bad things.” -David Powlison

Trapped by appearances and morality; the religious idolater adds to the Gospel of Christ. Religious people are compelled to do things of God, but may not actually know Jesus. There may be the motions and will that sets up a life to look great; but is disconnected from God in the heart.

Addictive Religiosity is the hardest addiction to break,  because it is the hardest one to see:

1. Seemingly from God
2. Authority of Scripture
3. Influencial people
4. authority of personal experience

As I was growing up in Christ, I was surrounded by Jesus–loving people, but many (not all) who didn’t humble themselves and expose their struggles/sin and their sanctification journey. Part of it was doctrine, but more often it was the church culture that turned off the need for this raw transparency. I learned how to turn off the honesty and replace it with religiosity.

I am not blaming the christian sub-culture. But, what a dis-service to set people up with gospel knowledge/information but not a humble transformation that is seen by others at a heart level? Religious idolatry is all about protecting yourself from being seen for the– truly dependent and sinful person we all are. It is about steeling glory with morality instead of walking in the light with struggles.

Repentance for the Religious Idolater, including myself, doesn’t mean talking about sin all the time and being dark, and swinging to the opposite of the the fake joy spectrum. Repentance for me has been: letting go of my reputation, depending on the Holy Spirit, mourning for my own pain and others, being humbled by suffering, seeing the Gospel of Jesus in the mundane tasks of my life, not giving packaged answers or advice to people, seeing my sin of prideful performance with God, continual repentance, etc. That is just a few of the changes that the Lord has done.

Religious talk was usually about me performing Christianity. As God continues to save me from this, HE is way bigger and I am shrinking. And, the Gospel of Jesus is so beyond my comprehension.

Religious idolatry clings to things of God and not God himself. Blessings are the product, instead of the Gospel. God himself is the prize of my belief in Him. Treasuring Jesus is my only true hope.