Passionate Worship

Do I fall at the feet of Jesus in complete adoration? Do I care too much of the opinion of others that I am distracted in my worship? If my God were in my home, would I see Him and know what humble and passionate worship would be? Or would I be my “default self” distracted and proud?

Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha: she sat at Jesus Christ’s feet and listened to his teaching. She chose the good portion, which would not be taken away from her. In Luke 10, I have read so many times this story and have taught on Martha- here is a link to the article, I wrote on Martha and her distraction: http://voxpopnetwork.com/reformingthefeminine/2008/02/09/margaret/ 

So, what did Mary get so right? Jesus said, ” Mary has chosen the good portion and it will not be taken away from her.”

Mary was open and flexible: Martha and Mary lived in the same home in Bethany. Mary and Martha both had to be hard workers to keep their home. They were hospitable and loved Jesus. When, Jesus entered their home, on the spur of the moment, Mary knew in her heart that listening to his teaching and setting at his feet would be the good choice. She was blessed in this act of worship.

Mary responds with passion:In Luke 10, when Jesus was in her home, she quickly responded with attentive ears and a posture of worship, setting at his feet listening to God. And in John 11, Lazarus died. He was the brother of Martha and Mary, and Jesus loved them all. Lazarus had been sick and Jesus knew that he had died, while he was away. Martha went to find Jesus to tell him and he started walking towards Bethany (Jerusalem was just a couple miles away) and she stayed there until Martha came back to tell her that Jesus was asking for her. Mary jumped up and ran out to Jesus, who was in the same spot he was when talking with Martha on the road somewhere between Jerusalem and Bethany. The Jewish crowd that was with Martha and Mary while they were mourning was so moved by Mary’s jumping up to run out to Jesus, that they went too. When they all got to Jesus, Mary fell at Jesus’ feet. Her tears and their tears moved Jesus. And he wept too. How amazing. Her passion, her love, moved JESUS! He knew he would raise Lazarus, he had a plan because he loved them all. Yet, he still wept with them. This is huge for me as I walk with hurting people. Flying a victory banner over some-one’s pain doesn’t communicate love, weeping with them and reminding them of God’s sovereignty is love. Jesus embraced Mary’s mourning by also mourning. wow.

Mary is generous. In John 12, this is where the same Mary anoints Jesus with very expensive perfume. Her devoted sister faithfully serves a meal to Jesus, the back to life Lazarus, Jesus, and the disciples. Mary poured this perfume on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. Jesus’ response to Judas’ push-back on Mary’s actions, once again shows that Mary instead of selling this perfume to give the money to the poor she chose to be worshipful in choosing to anoint her God before his death. Jesus defended her actions in Luke 10 and here, making sure that those who complained about her actions, knew that she was making the good choice. Matthew and Mark say that she poured it on his head and feet. Wiping his feet with her hair was truly an act of worship with humility and devotion. I can’t imagine doing this. I hope that I would have ignored all of those people around and humbly worshiped my God. I am sad to say my struggle is caring too much what those near would think of me. Mary didn’t seem to care. She worshipped Jesus with a passionate decisiveness that I am longing to see lived out in my heart and life!

My world can shrink so easily to the size of my life, my tasks, my own pain. I feel like if I can consistently see the sovereignty of God and walk in the knowledge of God’s transcendent character, my fear of man will fade away and my passionate pursuit of God’s holiness will replace it. As I study Mary, I am encouraged to see a woman who at least a couple times worshiped Jesus with decisive, passionate, and humble responses.

Psalm 25 comes to mind when I pray for a heart to worship with passion and humility.

Psalm 25: 4 Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. 5Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. 6Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. 7Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me,for the sake of your goodness, O LORD! 8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.9He leads the humble in what is right,and teaches the humble his way. 10All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness,for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For this in a song form: check out: www.marshillchurch.org/audio/Psalm25_Parsons_070610AM11.mp3

He works…for His good pleasure!

God is the Master laborer. I am part of his labor! My heart is full of amazement this week as I meditate on:

Philippians 2:12-14 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now not only as in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Working out our salvation with fear and trembling: this is awe and reverence rather than panic and alarm. My ESV Reformation Study Bible says- the right emotions are stirred by the presence of God. This salvation in the full, redemptive sense with particular stress on the sanctification of the believer. The sanctifying process calls for obedience.

God who works in you:While we are fearing and trembling at God’s presence, God is actively paying attention. He is taking notes on us, thinking, knowing us, arranging things for us, and lovingly guiding the whole universe to work according to his plan for each of us.

CAN YOU BELIEVE- that the same Lord who placed the stars in the sky and imagined and created every living creature, is watching us, loving us, and working things out for us? I am in awe at the hugeness and personal-ness of our God. I love it that God works for his own satisfaction, glory, and pleasure. He is Holy in His pursuit of His own glory.

I explained this to my boys this week that God is thinking about them. I told the boys how I have a journal that I take notes on my kids and how to best shepherd them, what they are going through in their lives, and how to encourage, serve, protect, etc. I am doing a fraction of the detailed work of shepherding the hearts of my kids, compared to the work of God in our hearts. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and perfect.

For His Good Pleasure: I set here and try to picture God’s pleasure. What does that look like? Is he laughing in delight in heaven? Is his pleasure like sunshine rays coming through clouds? What does it look like for God to will and to work for his good pleasure?

I love that God delights in his work and I am one of his works, that he delights in, knows, loves personally, and works things out for my good, ultimately giving himself glory.

I do not work on my own, it is God willing and working with His magnificent power and attention to details of my heart. As my heart worships God-replacements (idols) less over time, I am at a place where that “fear and trembling” is more frequent and my heart is full of adoration and is completely awestruck!

I (We) are God’s Workmanship

Ephesians 2:10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

A few posts back, I wrote about God’s grace at work in my work. I have been meditating on that for awhile and the above verse.

I am amazed that as I am stewarding many things and people, God is working on me. He has prepared work for me to do. Every task, every relationship, God has prepared in advance specifically for me to do- unto His glory.

I am God’s workmanship, not just the work that he has for me to do. I am a work for him. Get it? As I grow in Christ, repent, mature, suffer, experience abundant grace in my life, I am a work.

It is interesting, I despise feeling like a “project” and am aware when I have made people “projects” in my life- out of a sinful place of self-righteousness. I don’t want to be anyone’s project! Yet, as a child of the King, I am his project, that is what being made holy is all about.

As I ponder, being God’s workmanship, I am humbled that I am far from being a finished project. God sees me and He sees much sin still.

The awesome news is: that when God sees me He doesn’t see just me, He sees Christ over me. He is my identity and His righteousness is MINE. The pressure is off! GOD doesn’t see just a work in progress- a continual project (me)- God sees Christ a finished work (because of the miraculous work on the cross) for me.

I love that I am a project, now. I pray that as I work on my smaller projects here on earth- I will continue to be humbled by this truth.

Working through the Junk Drawer

I have three junk drawers in my home.

Growing up, we always had these deep and dark and sometimes dangerously packed full drawers. Often it was the most handy and the top drawer in the kitchen or office. Anything small and handy, ackward, random and unnecessary would land in this vortex of a space. I use them now as a de-cluttering option for my kitchen and office space. When, random objects appear, it isn’t long before they make their homes in the junk drawer. Every few months, I take a few minutes and empty most of the junk drawer items in to the trash. I always think to myself, “why didn’t this things go to the trash can right away?” Why on earth did we keep that?

I think that my heart is like a junk drawer. There are good things along with the useless in there.

My heart collects packets of information, random thoughts, beliefs about God, relationship receipts, little pointless pieces of data, and many other threads of curious motivations. Working thru the junk drawer of my heart is being willing to be exposed for all the trash among the “keepers.”

Working thru the junk drawer is similar to the processing of my heart.  I can completely ignore my junk drawer and avoid it at all costs because it is screaming at me to organize, throw away, make sense out of random items. My heart accumulates junk. In fact, the illusion is when the drawer is closed, it looks like my spaces are clean and organized, when in fact there is old junk, if you just open that drawer.

Repentance is the process of opening of the drawer with a vision for change- a heart softened to the Lord to change. To turn from my sin and claim more of Jesus. I believe in progressive sanctification. It is a process of continuing to lay hold of the righteousness that is ours in Christ. 

Hebrews 10:22 Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

I desire to walk ever so closely with Jesus, keeping my focus on him, and in full assurance of my faith, my heart is cleansed.  The junk drawer is worked thru and redeemed.

Weary with Work

I am exhausted.  Weary. Emotionally. Physically. I am fighting for my time with God and straining to keep my eyes on Him thru meditation, prayer, a soft heart to listen to His voice. 

Weariness sets in and the temptation with it is to lose heart.  

Hebrews 12: 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Do I see Jesus thru my weariness? God tells me in this verse to consider Jesus who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that I will not grow weary and lose heart. 

If I fix my eyes on Jesus, my heart is able. My heart is able to give, love, focus, and worship.

In my distraction- my heart loses focus. My vision is blurry. Fixing my eyes on Jesus makes me see 20/20. And everything lines up.

Jesus is the only hope for the weary, for my weariness.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

Embracing Interruptions as Worship

Interruptions are like striking a match to my gas leak of a heart.

In my sin:

• I am not flexible
• I don’t answer with a gentle heart
• I repay evil with evil
• I don’t bless those who persecute me, even if it is my kids :-) 
• I do resent interruptions
• I feel angry when I don’t get to do what I am trying to do

If I am working, that is what I want to do. I want to focus wholeheartedly. I can worship more easily, (i think) if I am immersed in whatever it is. My mind can focus, my heart engages, enjoys it, I have fun.

When I am cooking, the last thing I want to do is stop 20 times to put a toy back together, respond to the yell from the bathroom, “ready to be wiped, mom!”, put my daughters hair in a pony tail, spoon feed my baby while she watches me cook, find a star wars character stuck behind the couch, talk with my oldest about selfishness with the claim that “he had it first,” praise my younger son that he is being patient with me while I cook, because he had just been complaining that he would die of a hungry tummy, answer the phone, hold my toddler daughter while I stir, sounds like more than one thing happening, huh? Find me in the kitchen at 5 and if I haven’t prepared dinner during naptime, this is the predicament, I am in. The Match is lit and at any moment my sinful heart could respond.

Walking in a changed heart, a repentant heart looks miraculously different. It is a miracle when any sinner turns from sin.

So, it is a miracle from God a beautiful evidence of God in my heart to remind me to be flexible, joyful, obedient to the whisper of God in those interruptions. To respond peacefully to my children.

My interruptions are blessings not burdens. A true opportunity for my sanctification. Worship? Yes, a heart yielded to Christ in interruptions.

Fear of God in my work

What motivates the heart?

Some people assume that since we are a people who are totally depraved, the issues of the heart will only reveal sin, so what is the point of delving into the motivations of the heart? The point is not to explain or prove sin. I know I am a sinner. Yet, in understanding my heart and my sin, the Gospel is real. I see my continual need (desperate need) for a redeemer, to wash my heart, clean. Only Christ can make that happen.

While, I am “in Christ,” as a Christian, my life is a battle to claim His righteousness and to walk in repentance for sin. To celebrate what Jesus has done on the cross for me and you.

Take my work: Two distinct motivations could alter my behavior dramatically. Fear of man and fear of God. Both can produce the same behavior yet my heart is not changed. 

If I have a heart motivator of fear of man in my work, this is what my heart looks like:

• driven to please others
• concerned with outward appearances more than love and inward affections
• performance to impress: my kids, my husband, my friends, family, etc.
• controlling environment attain a false satisfaction
• controlling people to attain a false contentment
• using things and people to make my self feel good about myself
• caring too much about the opinion of others or myself
• unrealistic standards for home, productivity, relationships that is law driven not Grace driven, legalism!
• producing results for praise from man
• doing tasks for accomplishment and duty

These heart motivators produce:

1. Unrighteous anger for any block from standards or productivity to happen.
2. Disappointment when praise from man doesn’t happen
3. Bad feelings about self- when tasks don’t happen
4. inflexibility, irritability
5. shame if identity rests on performance

In contrast, thru repentance fear of God in my work looks like:

• desiring first to please God in work
• aware of God in the details
• depending on God in the details
• gentleness and self control
• quiet whispers of prayers when confrontation of interuptions happen
• tender-hearted conversations that come at the suprise moments
• giving God the credit in my heart for a completed task or simply Him enabling me to do anything
• showing people near me my need for Christ to do anything
• confessing sin quickly

These heart motivations produce:

1. Meekness
2. Humility
3. Self-control
4. Kindness
5. Love
6. Worship

Just to name a few!

Again, my battle, my war with work is to WORSHIP my God in my work. To see Jesus in my laundry, my children’s eyes, to love Jesus with my hands and most importantly, my heart!

Worship is a war. Who is fighting?

Worship as Prudence

I feel richly blessed to have a husband who is always brewing something in his head. He will disappear into a warp zone in his head and later I find that he has outlined a whole sermon. Yesterday, we had a coffee date and he preached to me, it was very romantic. I love his heart and how God talks to him. He isn’t one to zealously or enthusasically share his thoughts or teach me or others, when uninvited. Yet, if he is invited, prepare yourself for insight that changes you. God has gifted him with knowledge and the ability to communicate it well. He has taught me and inspired me, yet he is a prudent man. He has taught me over the years by his example to be cautious and obedient to Christ as to when and what to share with others. He worships in humility and prudence with his mind.

Proverbs 12: 23 A prudent man keeps his knowledge to himself, but the heart of fools blurts out folly.

 This verse cuts at my heart. While, I am a passionate woman, I continue to be prone to speak my mind, heart, knowledge, insight, etc. Even as I blog, it is a matter of prayer. I go thru a process as I study–to desire Christ be glorified and not me, to be prudent with my knowledge and my heart.

Worship is prudence sometimes, because it takes the humility, dependence on Christ, a desire for God’s glory and not self, to RESTRAIN my lips, or in most cases, to RESTRAIN my fingers typing.

Worship is prudence if it brings my mind in submission to Christ and the joy that brings.

Busy at Home

I have been thinking lately about “busy.” What does it really mean?

Titus 2:4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.  (ESV)

titus 2:4 Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, 5to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. (NIV)

This must be important, since God would speak to it. So, when a woman is at home, what does being Busy at home, mean…

I would venture to say that there are two types of busy at home

1. Frantic busy: last minute shopping for the last minute meal, last minute phone calls, emails, and trip to the store to get diapers or dog food, because your baby is wearing the last diaper you own. This kind of busy is the gal that is out of breath because she is running in circles, like a dog chasing its own tail. This busy gal is not ever getting time to rest or to enjoy those she loves or she does do those things and lets everything else fall apart around her. She isn’t really busy at all, she creates chaos by not managing/stewarding well, then has to urgently respond to the chaos- which can mask as busyness. Does she enjoy her life creating chaos? Maybe, frantic is fun? She is a busy gal, but she doesn’t seem to ever get it all done. She is urgent driven/minded.

2. Smart busy: planner and sabbather. She menu plans and reads to her kids. She makes love to her husband and has time to play a board game with her family. She is super busy, but is working smart and hard, sometimes fast at working, like during naps when kids are not needing her attention. This smart busy gal is ready for the impromptu visit or call. She is busy at home, but in a different way than the frantic busy gal. She may not get everything done, but smart gal seems to be focused not chaotic.

So, when do each of these busy gals read their Bibles? How about exercise? hmm. Those are good tests for me personally when I can tell my heart has veered over to frantic or urgent driven work. God in his grace offers opportunities for me to get back on track with stewardship of time and resources and doing more smart busy work.

Busy at home is not an “of course.” I could work myself in to a sweat and “miss” those moments that God has called me to, like playing with my children, affection, words, tenderness, laughter, all in exchange for a folded load of laundry? No, thank you!

God wants me to fear Him with my busyness, that I would be motivated primarily to work for his view not for others, that he would teach me to be smart in my labor.

Internet Busy Body

When is the last time you found yourself going around from house to house being idle? Or, perhaps calling too many friends in one day? Surely, not you, NOT me!

I never thought of myself as a busybody. Busy body has a very negative connotation, doesn’t it? I think of the town gossip lady and is not busy at home, but off out and about her life…I certainly never thought I was idle, lazy, or pointless or wandering about my day, looking for some one or something to scratch an itch.

Until… I found that the Internet is my “town” to meander. I have found myself recently “going from house to house” or “website to website” seeking something. Information, book reviews, someones blog, or my email that seduces my attention.

1 Timothy 5: 13Besides, they get into the habit of being idle and going about from house to house. And not only do they become idlers, but also gossips and busybodies, saying things they ought not to.

I try not to check email too often in my day, but this takes such discipline, lately. I think the heart of this temptation for me is the same sin battle that the busy body who wants to see things, people, know stuff, because she isn’t content with what she already knows and has.

When is it ever appropriate to “surf” the Internet? Perhaps, I am researching… But, most commonly I only surf as a time waster. If I am researching I usually find the information quickly, thankfully. I am here to repent of the time waster surfing which is sinful busy body behavior!

 By God’s grace, my slices of time for Internet will stewarded more wisely.

Fear of the Risen Lord!

In celebrating Jesus this week, I am in awe specifically of the fear of the Risen Christ. Mary Magdelene and the other Mary were afraid when they saw the tomb empty and still afraid when the angel told them that Jesus was alive. Their fear of God was strong.

Matthew 28:5 The angel said to the women, “Do not be afraid, for I know that you are looking for Jesus, who was crucified. 6He is not here; he has risen, just as he said. Come and see the place where he lay. 7Then go quickly and tell his disciples: ‘He has risen from the dead and is going ahead of you into Galilee. There you will see him.’ Now I have told you. 8So the women hurried away from the tomb, afraid yet filled with joy, and ran to tell his disciples. 9Suddenly Jesus met them. “Greetings,” he said. They came to him, clasped his feet and worshiped him. 10Then Jesus said to them, “Do not be afraid. Go and tell my brothers to go to Galilee; there they will see me.”

 ”Afraid yet filled with Joy” I can’t imagine how they must have felt as they ran to tell their dear friends that the Lord was alive!

I have been pondering the fear of the Lord versus my fear of man, for awhile now. I am working thru a second time the book by Ed Welch’s book When People Are Big and God is Small. In this book, I have realized how deep my fear of man is and how shallow my fear of the Lord is. As I read this account of the “Marys, ” see them in a different way, somehow. I see them in wonder, awe, fear, curiousity, joy, and somehow I see them trembling with hope.

As I have confessed before and continue to see sin there, God is changing me! He is bringing me to a place of trust and fear. A peaceful anticipation of God’s presence and the riches that await me in my journey with him. As I experience Christ, I find worship in the mundane and unsignificant. I find Jesus giving me more often a trembling fear and joy at the same time, a new and precious experience.

Work AS Stewardship

Stewardship: the conducting, supervising, or managing of something; especially : the careful and responsible management of something entrusted to one’s care

Ephesians 3:1 For this reason I, Paul, a prisoner for Christ Jesus on behalf of you Gentiles— 2assuming that you have heard of the stewardship of God’s grace that was given to me for you.

Time Management is the outflow of a conscious understanding of this, daily. The method may vary, yet stewarding God’s grace in my work is a constant dutiful awareness of the resources God has blessed me as a gift.

Managing my time well is stewarding the resources God has given me. Time is grace. Time is a gift. In each day lays opportunities In Christ to worship him.

• If I view my day and all the events of my day as a gift of God’s grace to me, then in my worship, I will steward to God’s glory.
• I will work hard in humility and my heart will be sensitive to the Holy Spirit to guide my steps.
• The opposite of godly stewardship would be blind laziness.
• Any fruit of godly stewardship is again gifts of grace to God’s glory not my own.
• I am aware in my heart in prayer throughout my day of God’s evidences of God’s grace.

Work as Stewardship for me is laying aside my plans and allowing God to make my plans. If you are a productivity nerd like me or my husband, check out www.nodeglue.com for my husband’s continuous thoughts of productivity and tools that enable such excellence.

Tools for time management are to be held loosely. They don’t save me or make me a godly steward. I can use outlook daily or be an expert at “Getting Things Done,” yet my heart is set on my own glory, my familiar “hit of accomplishment.” Like a true addict, my sinful drive to accomplish replaces a pure desire to submit to God’s plan for my day.

In an effort to be successful with time management, I have squeezed my hand around my plan and revealed that the desire to “produce” was too great.

Humble stewardship holds time management loosely and wisely, aware of time traps, legalistic lists, and the passionate self-centered desire to perform for self and others.

God’s grace is a gift to steward. Work is an opportunity to worship thru the acknowledgement of His grace.

Making “sacrifices.”

Sometimes the biblical word for worship is translated “sacrifice.”

Romans 12:1 I appeal to you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, to present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and acceptable to God, which is your spiritual worship.

This week, I read Vintage Jesus, Pastor Mark’s newest book. It has been a solid and thoughtful look at the Lord Jesus Christ. Thank you, Pastor Mark! I love the following in the section on worship:

Glorymeans weightiness, importance, preeminience, priority, or that which is our greatest treasure, deepest longing, and fountain of hope. Functionally, what we hold int he place of glory is in effect our real god. People can and do hold various people and things in a position of glory and then worship them by making sacrifices. Because we have limited resources (time, energy, money), we must allocate those things to what we consider most important or glorious to us and in so doing make sacrifices for our functional god. Whatever we hold in the position of highest glory is by definition our god(s). Practically, worship is making sacrifices for what we are living to glorify.   - Mark Driscoll, Vintage Jesus

What do I make  sacrifices to daily?

Like in my previous posts, so many other things lure my heart to make sacrifices to, other than Christ. God’s grace is amazing and I am utterly grateful that He accepts me “in Christ.” Not because my sacrifices to worship Jesus are always pure.

My heart’s desire is: Acts 20:2424 But I do not account my life of any value nor as precious to myself, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to testify to the gospel of the grace of God.

Philipians 3:3For we are the circumcision, who worship by the Spirit of God and glory in Christ Jesus and put no confidence in the flesh—

“play with kids” is on my list

My sin of giving my attention to tasks more than giving my attention to the eyes and hearts of those in my home hangs out in my heart daily.

God is at work. This is one reason why I am blogging this topic to show the journey of my repentance, to process, to practice writing more, to share with strangers, to not be motivated for feedback, to ultimately give God the glory for any of my heart change.

I am a list maker. My outlook calendar usually just has appointments/meetings/outings on it. My daily list has a schedule for the day. Starting at 6 am and ending at 10- on my list are all the things I want to accomplish. The first things I usually put down are the house chores. Second, my exercise and reading goals for the day. Thirdly, I glance at the schedule and see if there is room for leisure, like a nap, or more reading…

ON SOME DAYS, I remember to put down on the list things like: play little people 30 minutes, shoot hoops with Henry, set up fort downstairs for boys, etc. I have been so busy in the last few weeks, I have neglected playing with my children. I can so easily go into caretaker mommie, that I only take care of them and don’t also enjoy them, thru play, and relationship. This is HUGE for me.

Remember, Martha’s sin, my sin? My default tendencies are just like Martha’s in Luke 10, to be distracted with much, busy, yet not choosing the “good portion” at the right time. I have countless opportunities throughout my day, to stop and choose the hearts of my kids. I don’t want to just “manage” my children and house. These moments when we giggle together, play a board game together, when I play dolls with my daughter and use pretend voices, run races in the yard together, have impromptu puppet shows, those are the moments that the kids treasure, and yet those are not my first desires. Surviving the day, as I have blogged is maintaining work so constantly so to not accrue house debt.

Honestly, God has to be yelling at me to sometimes HEAR HIS VOICE to stop working and play. So, tomorrow- on my daily list will be play with each child their choice of toy/game. I don’t believe that God wants me to legalistically place play on my list each day, yet the sin I am convicted of right now suggests that am aware of God’s grace to give me the gift of time with my children. God is renewing my desire and my satisfaction in worshipping Jesus in work and THIS is YET ANOTHER act of seeing God.

thank you, Jesus! 

Attention as Worship

What do I give MY attention to?

In no certain order (what comes to mind): Tasks. Duties. Relationships. My body: working out, make-up, hair, food, etc. Reading. Studying. Writing. Sex. Emails. Driving my car. Cooking.  Shopping. Meal planning. Cleaning. Organizing. Ministry. Phone calls. Teaching school. Of those things, do any of them stand out in front with too much of my heart’s attention? Do I honor any of those things above Christ with my ATTENTION?

I give a lot of my attention to my husband and children and my friends. I serve them, enjoy them, value time with these people that I love. Yet, do I forfeit time with my Bible and prayer to love someone? hmm.

I give much of my attention to tasks, stewarding God’s resources.

Enter..sin. I give my attention to myself. What would I like to do today? What would make me feel good today? Who will give me attention, today? My heart wars against my desires…

Who or What gives ME attention? 

So, to change the words, helps me see the sin. Who will give ME attention today, what will give me what I want today.. Who will worship me today, or what object will bow down to me today?

I love to get attention. I love being in front, going first with speeches, eye contact, intimacy, emotional fluff, relational health and cosistent pursuit from those I give my heart to. Yet, somewhere sometimes the desire for those things crosses a line. The line is when the desire isn’t met, and I am disappointed too greatly.

Repentance:

For me, attention can be worship. Repentence is walking in the light over these heart struggles, SAY with the internet…The internet is a cold body, though. Rejection tends to be a blog’s middlename, if the motive is for attention. By, God’s grace, my heart is in check with sinful motives and Christ is changing me.

Repentance is holding passionate desires loosely. Ready to confess selfish desires. And in the disappointment, not to demand that I am worshipped.

On, my most obedient and worshipful days, I start out early praying before the sun and my family rises, to confess my sin, my battle over worship. That I would die and Jesus would be lifted up and my heart would be full of worship unto Christ. That my whole day would be in different expressions, giving attention, worshipping my God.

I pray my attention is wrapped up in Jesus more often and consistently. Too much attention to/of something MAY reveal an idol of my heart.

God’s grace at work in my work…

By the Grace of God I am what I am, and His grace toward me did not prove vain; but I labored even more than all of them, yet not I but the Grace of God with me” - 1 Corinthians 15:10

God’s grace is with us in all we do. He enables me to work not for my own accomplishment, but for HIS own glory.

“He wills and he works for his good pleasure. But believing this does not make Christians passive. It makes them hopeful and energetic and courageous. Each day there is a work to be done in our special ministry. Paul commands us to work at doing it. But he tells us how to do it in the power of future grace: believe the promise that in this day God will be at work in you to will and to work for his good pleasure.” - John Piper, Future Grace

Every good work that I can possibly do is God at work in and thru me. For HIS glory.

2 Corinthians 9:8 And God is able to make all grace abound to you, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. 

Whatever work God has called me to, He provides grace to me all that I need to accomplish the ministry for His glory and purpose.

My labor because of who I am:
I am a christian woman. I desire more and more of Jesus, knowing him, worshipping him, and working for him.  I am a wife. I am called to serve, love, respect, grow with, minister with, repent with, my husband. As he loves Jesus and me, I become more radiant like Christ and the church. I am a mother. God has called me to raise four children up in him, serve them, nurture them, laugh and play with them, teach them, and guide them like a shepherd to Jesus, the great shepherd. I am a friend. God’s love happens in these relationships as we sharpen one another, preach the gospel to one another and confess sin to one another.   I am “in Christ.” So, every battle I fight, Jesus fought and won.  In Christ, I have eyes to see needs for others and in Christ, I can love, be in the world and minister to others…

In all of these callings- there is labor. Labor for what. For the Gospel. For God’s glory. I keep asking myself this fundamental question, “In my work/labor, am I worshipping Christ?”

God’s grace is sufficient! Certainly!

Ah ha!

If I am worshipping Christ in my work, the focus is not on me working, the attention, the spotlight, the focus is on GOD being the worker. He is as Piper said, that…

God is the decisive worker.

Philippians 2:12-13 but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose.

As I am doing my “works, good deeds, labor” God is surrounding me moving my hands, in my heart showing me his grace, his glory is revealed in the duties, works, and righteousness because of Jesus. The imagery I see is- the glory coming off of my body because of Jesus and God is at work to receive it. Like a vapor moving out of my body, Christ absorbs it, for His glory!

My work is because God is the most magnificent worker, and He is perfect at it.

“Heartily…working..”

Heartily:

1. In a cordial manner; with warmth and sincerity: She greeted us heartily.

2. With zest or enthusiasm.

3. With great appetite or enjoyment: eat heartily.

Colossians 3:23-25 Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.

Do I work- Heartily? What is my heart like when I work? What am I thinking when I am working? Sometimes, I am thinking how good it feels to have rescources like appliances to load dishes and clothing, other times I am thinking “is it really possible to dirty this much???” 

Thankfull thoughts cultivate a heart towards “working heartily.” 

When Mike and I are around the house and getting on each others nerves a bit, we have over the years played a very decisive game we made up, called, the ” Thankfulness Game.” We take turns saying things that we are thankful for. God enables us to see Him in our surroundings as blessings and changes our hearts to acknowledge him, which is WORSHIP. 

I try to play the thankfulness game in my head when overwhelmed with duties, tasks, jobs at home. As God sees my struggle and my desire to depend on Him, He enables my heart to worship Him in it. As I observe God in my work, my praying heart starts to rest and is more peaceful.

Working hard doesn’t always produce a heart that works Heartily.

Imagine Martha again, working hard, fast, and bitter. Heartily, again for GOD not for man’s approval or even our own approval.

My prayer is that as God continues to show me my sin with work, that my heart be FULL of thankfullness for hands to work, eyes to see, and the grace from God that enables any fruit that comes from my hands…

That I may work Heartily for Jesus.

houseWork debt

Ever get to zero in your inbox , no pieces of clothing in your hampers- not one dirty dish? WOW! Congratulations! Doesn’t that feel great? And, how long does that last? For me, about 30 minutes for any of it.

I have to do two loads of laundry every day. If I don’t, I have a pile of clothes that could reach the ceiling in a few days. I am totally serious. There are the dishes, the floors, the bathrooms, the cobwebs, the dust, the pine needles in the entry, etc. If I don’t a little every day- balance withdrawls happen. Then, the house Work becomes so accumilated, it is like DEBT. It takes a whole day of work to get back up to zero.

I enjoy making the deposits- so that I don’t have debt. Yet, sometimes I do it to control my work, so it doesn’t control me. IS that good stewardship that leads to worship OR is that controlling work so I am in control? I believe that it is both. Most worshipful opportunities for me -are both. My drive to accomplish to my own end (glory) for self and the other side is to truly steward my life to God’s glory.

My aim is to see Jesus in my laundry. Not literally speaking. But, to see that He cares about the way that I do my laundry. He cares about how I steward what He has given me. Keeping busy to the glory of God. Not rules driven, but a tender submission- that says, the work never ends- and I am thankful I have the clothing and the hands to work with it.

Titus 2:5 says: -to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God.

HouseWork Debt is inevitable. Worship is stewarding these resources to God’s glory. Thanking Jesus that He is providing for me. God has called me to keep processing all of that, so that the people in my inbox, the clothing, the dishes are stewarded. Working hard and busy, smart and patient, making deposits to avoid debt each day looks like this for me:

• 3 (15 minutes) time slots for processing email
• start load of laundry before kids wake up and fold and put away during nap (30 minute job)(older children fold and put away their own clothes)
• load dishwasher after dinner and run it during nighttime
• empty dishwasher as I make breakfast
• 5 minute clean up in kitchen after every meal (children help)
• 1 room a day to clean and organize (30 minutes)

Tips for making houseWork fun and teachable:

1. Put on music and dance with the kids when putting up toys
2. Make organizing projects with the child fun craft time!
3. Let your children try to help with jobs- encourage their work ethic!
4. Read to your child while they do a house job
5. Game with Laundry: “Who can find the most clothing items that our yours,” or matching socks, or sorting. 
6. Have kids dishes stored low in the kitchen, so that they can easily take and put away their dishes.
7. When a child is taking a bath, talk to him or her and clean out your drawers! (this takes only 10 minutes!)
8. Have a bed linen day, where everyone brings all of their bedding to the laundry room, and at the end of the day, everyone helps make beds (I do every other week)
9. Lay out clothes for the next day for your child
10. Make working rewarding, by talking about it. Encouragement and thankfullness for trying and doing is great! 

Happy houseWork Debt Consolidating!

Worship as Dependence on Jesus

So much of our world tells us to be strong, independent, and confident. I grew up built on the foundation of independence and self-worth, and an ambitious feminism that gave me gigantic false confidence. Slowly, but surely, in God’s great love for me- He is changing my heart.

When I am in need- I am SO VERY SLOW to depend on Christ. When I am weary…

Matthew 10: 28“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. 29Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 30For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”

Jesus is my example for Dependence:

Periodically, I think of my Lord Jesus, as a baby. I marvel at the Incarnation. Wrapping my brain around that point of theology- could possibly take years.  Nonetheless, I imagine Jesus sometimes as a young boy- because I have two sons. Sometimes we talk about Jesus as a son and how he never sinned, so he never got a spanking. My kids love to hear that, it gives them hope! He was the best brother and son anyone could ever want. As a mom, as a Christian, I am amazed that God came as a man- I can imagine Jesus  as a baby, boy, then man. Still God-yet in his youth- fully dependent on Mary and Joseph- stewards of God.

As I care for my baby, I am humble by her “deep need” for me. Her survival is based on my caring for her.  I provide her food, clothing, soap, nurture, comfort, kisses, etc. Her dependence keeps her alive!  Gradually, she gains independence, which is good. Physically, she can start to care for herself. Like my oldest son, who showers himself, gets his own breakfast, dresses himself, and anything else I would like for him to do himself, he is capable. I like that! But, my husband and I desire our sons and daughters to still “depend” on us. We want them to gain understanding on how to live, function, work, but in their hearts depend on God. Emotionally, we pray that they depend on us, need us, long for sweet relationships, deep connection, and evenutally we will enjoy adult friendship with them.

Jesus is my example for how to depend on God. He matured physically yet he still depended on His father. Though, I am a sinner, Jesus still wants my dependence. It is worshipful for me to offer my weakness, boast in them, and with empty hands offer my dependence as worship.

When tempted in the wilderness, Jesus appealed to Father and quoted scriptures to fight against Satan. Jesus, again is the example for dependence. Jesus being God shows me that while he was a incarnate, He showed his dependence on His father.

God wants me to BOAST in my WEAKNESSES. 

Most of the time, weakness and dependence are interchangeable for me. Yet, as Christ shows me my needs- He is showing me that it is could to boast in my weakness and needs- so that I will boast in my insufficiency and HIS AMAZING sufficiency.

 1 Corinthians 10:30 If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness.

Boasting in my weaknesses is worship? I must admit I am not capable to “do” my life. But, “in Christ, ” I am. I must confess that the weed of independence robs my heart of security God offers me. Independence is a lie. Dependence is worship.

Dependence on Jesus is increasing in my heart- quietly and consistently and it whispers I believe that Jesus is ABLE, FAITHFUL, and in my worship- I get to depend on GOD.

Worship (Valley of Vision Puritan Prayer)

I have been reading this prayer the last couple of days and especially find “Lord, let me live wholly to my saviour, free from distractions, and washed anew…” comforting my heart.

Like Martha, I am prone to be distracted. May Christ find my attention resting in Him!

Glorious God,
It is the flame of my life to worship thee,
the crown and glory of my soul to adore thee,
heavenly pleasure to approach thee.
Give me power by the Spirit to help me worship now,
that I may forget the world,
be brought into the fullness of life,
be refreshed, comforted, blessed.
Give me knowledge of thy goodness
that I might not be over-awed by they greatness;
Give me Jesus, Son of Man, Son of God,
that I might not be terrified,
but drawn near with filial love,
with holy boldness;
He is my mediator, brother, interpreter,
branch, daysman, Lamb;
him I glorify,
in him I am set on high.
Crowns to give I have none,
but what thous hast given I return,
content to feel that everything is mine when it is thine,
and the more fully mine when I have yielded it to thee.
Let me live wholly to my Saviour,
free from distractions,
from carking care,
from hindrances to the pursuit of the narrow way.
I am pardoned through the blood of Jesus-
give me a new sense of it,
continue to pardon me by it,
may I come every day to the fountain,
and every day to be washed anew,
that I may worship thee always in spirit and truth.