12.22.09
Posted in Christmas, Idolatry, parts of my story at 7:07 am by trisha
Christmas, with all its glitter and joy, is for many a season to get through as quickly as possible… Though I am a wife an a mom with a full house, I am humbled by the fact that many around me are lonely. Loneliness is not a sin. Feeling the desire for companionship and intimacy with someone is a beautiful reflection of being made in the image of God.
I struggle with loneliness occasionally and wonder if what I experience is just a taste of the daily desires that so many people live with. The desire to be with someone can tempt us to “wander in the desert” searching for anything to satisfy. Other comforts, relationships, whet our appetite but are not truly satisfying. Searching for intimacy, we settle for idolatry.
God has been reclaiming His place in my heart, my view of what “Father” looks like. I have been growing in a richer understanding of the presence of God, and feeling a deep joy of seeing Father God as my precious dad. Clinging to my Dad’s leg, like a toddler, my heart is starting to comprehend the intimacy I can have with Abba.
Psalm 121 is great comfort for the lonely heart. As our shadows are always with us, so is our God. In the details and empty spaces of our days, God is present.
1I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
2My help comes from the LORD,
who made heaven and earth.
3He will not let your foot be moved;
he who keeps you will not slumber.
4Behold, he who keeps Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5The LORD is your keeper;
the LORD is your shade on your right hand.
6The sun shall not strike you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7The LORD will keep you from all evil;
he will keep your life.
8The LORD will keep
your going out and your coming in
from this time forth and forevermore.
He is our Companion, Keeper, Help, and Comfort. If you are feeling lonely and empty, know that the Lord is with you.
Permalink
11.02.09
Posted in Idolatry, relationship with Jesus, worship at 2:47 pm by trisha
Ever deny your struggle? So that you won’t look bad or feel needy? I have been the religious person and am by God’s grace, have had eyes to see and a heart to repent of this sin. The Sin is Religious Idolatry. Or as David Powlison calls it- Religiosity.
“the driving forces in religion are self-exaltation, love of status, reputation, visibility, pursuing religious behavior for gain, essentially becomes a puppet of self-righteousness. Ultimately using God as a superstition because of fear and control, getting the goodies and avoiding the bad things.” -David Powlison
Trapped by appearances and morality; the religious idolater adds to the Gospel of Christ. Religious people are compelled to do things of God, but may not actually know Jesus. There may be the motions and will that sets up a life to look great; but is disconnected from God in the heart.
Addictive Religiosity is the hardest addiction to break, because it is the hardest one to see:
- Seemingly from God
- Authority of Scripture
- Influencial people
- authority of personal experience
As I was growing up in Christ, I was surrounded by Jesus–loving people, but many (not all) who didn’t humble themselves and expose their struggles/sin and their sanctification journey. Part of it was doctrine, but more often it was the church culture that turned off the need for this raw transparency. I learned how to turn off the honesty and replace it with religiosity.
I am not blaming the christian sub-culture. But, what a dis-service to set people up with gospel knowledge/information but not a humble transformation that is seen by others at a heart level? Religious idolatry is all about protecting yourself from being seen for the– truly dependent and sinful person we all are. It is about steeling glory with morality instead of walking in the light with struggles.
Repentance for the Religious Idolater, including myself, doesn’t mean talking about sin all the time and being dark, and swinging to the opposite of the the fake joy spectrum. Repentance for me has been: letting go of my reputation, depending on the Holy Spirit, mourning for my own pain and others, being humbled by suffering, seeing the Gospel of Jesus in the mundane tasks of my life, not giving packaged answers or advice to people, seeing my sin of prideful performance with God, continual repentance, etc. That is just a few of the changes that the Lord has done.
Religious talk was usually about me performing Christianity. As God continues to save me from this, HE is way bigger and I am shrinking. And, the Gospel of Jesus is so beyond my comprehension.
Religious idolatry clings to things of God and not God himself. Blessings are the product, instead of the Gospel. God himself is the prize of my belief in Him. Treasuring Jesus is my only true hope.
Permalink
08.11.08
Posted in Idolatry, relationship with Jesus, worship at 2:39 pm by trisha
Everywhere I turn, I see my desires for things other than Christ. Sometimes, I see those desires are gifts from him and I hold them carefully and losely. Other times, I see those desires turn to idols. Some to mention: desire for affection, attention, purpose, love, and yes even a desire to control, suprised?
God does want me to see my idols and how I have specifically replaced the worship of God to the worship of things, desires, relationships, etc. He wants me to repent and TRULY TURN from those things and see them as gifts and enjoy them as such. God wants me to enjoy HIM and delight in HIS presence.
YET- it is so tempting to get caught up in seeing idols and smashing them. I would never be done, if this is what I set my heart out to do. Digging for idols isn’t worship. It is self-worship, a form of self-atonement. I think that digging for sin is a way of explaining and understanding myself so that I don’t have to ultimately rest in Christ’s provision on the Cross and the rich grace lavished on me. If I am a proficient idol hunter, then I can make myself into an award winning idol smasher?
As I wrestle and repent, the goal in it is not to navel gaze, hunt for idols, despair over depravity. The “end” or the goal of my walk is Christ and worshipping him, to marvel at His goodness. So, I press on for the upward call in Christ Jesus.
Philipians 3:12 Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. 13Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, 14I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
I recently heard an amazing sermon on the “Passover”. I sat in my seat, stunned and have continued to ponder this amazing truth. In the Exodus story- when the hebrews placed the blood of the lamb on the doorpost, the spirit would pass over the doorways with blood and not take the life of the first born son. Here it is: God did not look in the home and see if there were idols on the table, before His spirit passed over. He saw the blood (that is it) and passed over. Jesus Christ’s blood on the cross was the atonement for my sins. God passes over me, because of Jesus. Oh, how tempting it is for me to busy myself with idol management. I am a woman under the blood of Christ, I am covered. No amount of idol repenting gets me more. I will continue to work out my salvation with fear and trembling, but the working out part does not get me more of the blood. I am already in Christ. I am already covered with grace. God sees Jesus over me. My father God knows every hair on my head and holds the universe together, I am in awe at his majesty and delight that grace flows freely to me constantly.
David Powlison had a great talk on this (analysing and introspecting) that I listened to last week, perfect timing (God is getting thru to me!) Here is the free download of the teaching:
http://www.sovereigngracestore.com/ProductInfo.aspx?productid=A2250-03-51
What I have learned this last couple months is to celebrate more. To repent is worshipful, but to not go looking for sin, idols, to not process life and heart to the extent that it is a self-introspective-self-atonement. My heart is softened before God and I am ready to dance more.
Are you stuck in idol management? I would love to hear…
Permalink
05.23.08
Posted in Idolatry, Productivity, relationship with Jesus, worship at 6:10 am by trisha
Repenting of my pride in work is tough. I love productivity. Many days I feel more confident and satisfied if at the end of the day I have much to show for it. I enjoy the results. I am the girl that loves the house make-over shows. I love to work hard on a project or my everyday tasks and take a good look at the “after.”
Making lists isn’t all bad. But, what is my heart about when I make them and finish the tasks? I generally feel proud of myself when I can check many things off my task list. In-fact, I have joked before that if I do additional tasks, I will add them just to have more checked off. Making a list organizes me but it also gives me a vision for the day. This is negative if my vision for the day shrinks to the daily tasks. Is share the gospel on the fly with a stranger at the park, encourage my husband spontaneously with sex, think and learn about my world and how it is hurting, on my list? Things that aren’t in my life starring at me, usually aren’t on my list. Which, reinforces the idea that lists shrink my life and don’t encourage me to think of God’s supreme transcendence.
So, the real question is: What does God want to accomplish through me today? Not, what tasks that are in my shrunk little kingdom of Wilkerson are to be accomplished today? Not, what things am I most excited to do today? Not, what items are pressuring me to anxiety?
It is idolatry for me, if I clench my fist around accomplishments or if I look for meaning from accomplishments. I worship the idol of accomplishment, when I stroke it with a prideful satisfaction when I work hard to do my life.
Worship through work is the repentance God is after in me and the reason for this blog- to process my journey to worship, to encourage others to see Jesus Christ in their work, to see His hand and give Him glory, not self.
I confess my sin of this idolatry, replacing the pride of accomplishment, with the hope for humility and dependence on Christ in my work. Repentance for me is to ask the Lord each day what my tasks should be, and as He enables me to accomplish my satisfaction in it would not be absorbed by me, but pass on to Him. Making Jesus look good, not me.
Permalink
01.11.08
Posted in Heart Distractions, Idolatry, relationship with Jesus at 3:45 pm by admin
I don’t save money. As soon as I get a few bucks, I know exactly where, what, and when I will get it the item at the top of the list…
I realized today- ministry is like this for me. I love staying busy. I love projects. I love helping, serving, and teaching. You know, the “important” things. Dang. My depravity leaks out again.
Thank God for a good friend, who said, “Do you think ministry won’t be there, when your kids are older?” I struggle not doing more in ministry now, because I love serving with my husband and being on the “front lines,” so to speak.
I am passionate about my children, my home, my husband, yet I get bored. Where is the next “big thing?” The next project, the next curriculum to write? Seriously, when I get bored, I write curriculum. It is hard to see that one as sin, because I am immersed in the Word. But, I am starting to see more about how discontent I can grow as my selfish ambition sides with my passion.
Is it enough for me that my savior delights in me? Psalm 41 11By this I know that you delight in me: my enemy will not shout in triumph over me.12But you have upheld me because of my integrity, and set me in your presence forever.
Work or Worship?
Selfish Ambition or peaceful contentment?
Permalink
01.08.08
Posted in Idolatry, worship at 3:41 pm by trisha
When I raise up out of my bed, the first thing I think is guilt. Guilt for not getting up sooner. yikes. Am I already feeling like a failure? I clomp downstairs in the dark, all the children still snoozing. Pilates or Treadmill, hmm.. Pilates today. I push myself hard and for what purpose? This particular goal is to lose my baby weight. IS this reasonable? Am I ambitious to accomplish goals? Or am I ambitious to worship?
Are you goal-driven or Worship-driven?
Most days, I count a day a success if I accomplish my goals, complete the list, and call it good.
Was Jesus even part of it?
C.J. Mahaney in his book, Humililty, True Greatness says to cultivate humility is to ask God for help at the beginning of the day. This is an “of Course,” to many. Not to me. I usually get a lot done (by God 100% enabling me), yet fail to ask him for help or tenderly acknowledge His provision for me. When the job is done, when the day is done, I worship. I thank God for His love, His guidance, and Grace He has given me. Yet, God held my hand the whole time, start to finish. All that I did, we did together. My sin- is shaking his hand off. My stubborn self-suffiency.
I ambitiously work all day. I enjoy work. I love serving my kids. I delight in a clean house. How often as my mind is busy at work, my hands clean, care for my children, do I worship?
Why do I work? I work to my own glory, most days.
Permalink