Work and Worship

Worship via Attention

What gets your attention? In your day, what do you think about the most? What are your top priorities? Tasks, relationships, conflicts, worry? How about dreams or fears?

Perhaps, you practically and mentally live out a rich understanding of calling in thoughtful worship by prioritizing your roles and tasks with humility and repentance…?

Well…Most of us want to live out of a Godly vision for the details of our lives, but we find ourselves off course–straying from that passion and conviction. Our attention swerves off the road and we forget where we were headed. We lose perspective and our attention grows lazy and unintentional.

Does your attention fit with God’s love and plan for you on a daily basis?

Somehow, my attention gets distracted and near-sighted. Like Martha is in  Luke 10, I can lose sight of the big picture and my eyes only see what is right in front of me. Even worse, with whatever is right in front of me, I grumble. My attention is a signal for what I worship, like a flashing warning sign, and my heart’s distraction is blaring.

Recently, my road of repentance has been an increased awareness of a wordly/sinful/idolatrous pre-occupation with my appearance. Which is sinful vanity. Healthy habits such as nutrition, exercise, and beauty have taken up too much space in my thoughts. I’ve given too much attention to these things and sinfully allowed these streams of ideas  and lies into my heart and furthermore worshipped myself in it. Too much attention to these thoughts and actions has become idolatry and worship of myself.

The “loops” in my head reveal what I desire in my heart.

Behind our actions are motivations, thoughts, patterns of behavior that reveal either our rebellion OR redemption in Christ. For me with the vanity issues, I have allowed those lies and my own sin to become such familiar territory that I will willingly dwell on those desires more than gratitude to God for who he is.

Like addiction, attention is a habit of thinking, believing and continues to motivate our actions. Attention is what we are cultivating in our minds. Attention shows us what we value, believe, and fight for.

As the Holy Spirit broke through the noise of my distracted attention, I am beginning to see the idolatry and deeply grieve my sin. I am starting to see traces of redemption in the way that I think about my body and health. I am growing in gratitude and grumbling less. Instead of comparing my body to others, which is envy and covetousness– I am praying that I would be thankful for what God has given me.  As I exercise, I am desiring to worship Jesus by stewarding my body, like I desire to take care of my family.  My attention is being redeemed.

Renewing our minds is something only the Holy Spirit can do. We can cling to that hope and do not lose heart. As God reveals attention to sinful distractions, I can trust Jesus to love me through it. I can repent of my wandering heart and praise God that He is bringing a worshipful response to what Jesus has done for me.

New Calling, NOT New Identity

20 years ago, I met Jesus. He has continued to love me, extend constant grace, and show me more of who He is. Long ago, I began dreaming of ways to live out who Jesus wants me to be. One of those dreams was to be a mommy. Another was to teach my children. As the season of childBEARING has ended (I guess there can always be a sweet surprise), a new season has sprung. We have felt God tugging at our hearts to home-school our four kids. Not necessarily forever, but for now. He has called us to this enormous task. Tears of joy in my throat– I am obeying by God’s grace. God is making this dream (authored by him) come true.

The abyss of knowledge, methods, theories, and resources has been exciting, overwhelming, and humbling.  Early on in the research phase, I felt a gentle tug from the Holy Spirit, warning me to not make “home-schooler” a new identity for myself. THIS IS SO DIFFICULT FOR ME! TO DO ANYTHING WITH PASSION AND PURPOSE and NOT BECOME IT!? It is good to find WHO I AM in Jesus. I don’t stop there. I add to my Gospel Identity and I “BECOME” my roles or tasks. Wife, mom, friend, home-maker, pastor’s wife, whatever. My successes and failures creep into my identity like gnarly weeds.

So, the question I started asking God is. “How, LORD, can I do home-schooling with passion and tenderness, humility and grace and NOT let it define me?” ….waiting on the Lord. I began to feel stripped of something deep. Thus, began a heart change. God revealed my sin. I was unmasked.

The masks I am prone to wear are of colorful and confident successes in many areas. I tend to sprinkle the mask with gospel glitter, so that even if I’m arrogant, somehow God gets a shot at Glory. Let me spell this out for you. When esteemed as a wife, my identity mask shines brightly, finding hope and who I am as a Godly wife. When my house is in order the mask sparkles with praise to me. I’ve found meaning in my roles and jobs for too long. There has been gobs of redemption to worship Jesus in this! Yet, this gigantic undertaking of homeschooling has dug out at a deeper layer of where I find my identity. Even a blessing, like a dream come true can be a place for weed-pulling.

Deep in my heart, my Identity in Christ is secure. Along the way, as a believer, I have neglected strengthening my grip on Gospel Identity and slipped in to becoming whatever I do. What I DO as NOT who I am.

So, to wrap things up– God is pursuing big things for my kids hearts and for mine. He wants me to use my gifts with my children so that they know God. Not so they think I am a great teacher. I am more vulnerable than I have ever been. I asked for help just the other day. Humility and Grace are sinking in. Thankfully, my Jesus is rescuing my Identity!