My Journey to 30.

I am 30 years old today. I feel tearful today, reflective, as I ponder the work of Jesus in my heart. I celebrate his redemption. Thank you for celebrating with me as I tell a story.

My Journey…

Looking back to a distant story, I see sadness and grief -for a little girl who was left alone to grow. She was lied to, spit upon as though a fool, and handed over to enemies. She is but a fuzzy memory. I cry for her confusion, for her innocence, her betrayal.

I see a glorious Redeemer snatching this girl up, hiding her under His wing, wiping tears from her gentle cheek and securing her in his love. I see her take a breath for the first time. She is safe. He is her new Father, who will never leave, and a parent who always tells her the truth.

She endures the lie for a life- with her redeemer comforting, protecting her heart, giving her what she needed to survive.

Then, I see this growing up girl shaking that Redeemer’s hand off of her hand, as he tries to walk with her as she grows, she knows he loves her, yet she has a better way to deal with her pain. She denies his presence, and in His face she mocks him with her independent and arrogant passion to be “somebody.” A proud vow to be a good person.

Faithful as the Redeemer always is, he hangs back and lets her discover that she is in desperate need of Him. She turns and sees him standing there, arm’s open. She runs into his arms, repenting of her foolish pride.

I see this girl, now grown up, straining forward not looking back, pretending that she wasn’t that little abandoned girl, she pretends and continues to strive for peace, yet it is half hearted. Her Redeemer again faithfully holds her hand and shows her her heart and to walk in both the knowledge of her pain and suffering and her repentance of sin, that she is a whole woman, and her pain is not ignored. She grieves for the first time, thru her weakness, her desperate need.

She is running, she has a group of people with her. A fiercely faithful Godly man with his hand in hers, women running behind her, and four little children, running on the sidelines. She isn’t alone. She realizes that she needs them. She is weak with delight and her heart is softened. Her Redeemer is always there, always giving her direction on where the journey is going. She doesn’t doubt him or shake his hand off anymore. She can breathe deep breaths of relief that though she tried, he hasn’t let her make him leave her.

The miracle of her heart and her healing is only her redeemer’s work, she calls his name as much as she can! She runs, she journeys, she sometimes doesn’t even see the road, yet he guides her.

She trips over rocks and falls down as the journey has unexpected twists and hurdles. The Redeemer has taught her to look up first before she picks herself up and look for his hand to help her. She cries that He never leaves, no matter how many times, she forgets to look for his hand.

Her sin, her heart, are constantly being forgiven, and loved as she journeys. She runs, trying not to stop. She isn’t alone and will never be. She can always trust her Redeemer. His love is steadfast and pure.

Thank you, Jesus for Redeeming ME. I can breathe now. My heart is overwhelmed at your gift to me.

I praise you, my redeemer, for saving me from myself. and blessing me beyond what I could ever dream.  30 years down, many more to go, for you Lord Jesus to get your glory.

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