04.28.10
Posted in Humility, Uncategorized, worship at 1:21 pm by trisha
I despise weakness…
I get overwhelmed. Relational debt, housework debt, and the dread of some procrastinated project sneak up, drain the life out of me, and leave me feeling discouraged and flat out weak. Those overwhelming moments reveal my true weakness. Yet too often, I deny it. Blind with ambition, I reach for my bootstraps, pull myself up, and get back to work.
2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
My heart naturally resists depending on God when I’m weak. The noise in my heart, amplified by tough self-sufficiency, can drown out the Holy Spirit’s reminder: “my power is made perfect in your weakness.”
…yet weakness is a gift.
And then there are the times when his voice breaks through the noise and exposes my heart. It is a struggle to swallow my pride and obey, but it is that turn of repentance—right in the midst of the mess—that I begin to hope again.
The truth is that I am weak every second, not just when I feel overwhelmed. Jesus wants me to see that when I am overwhelmed, he is giving me a gracious gift: seeing more clearly my constant need for him. So rather than denying weakness, I can boast in it because it draws me closer to Jesus in worship.
Like the other day– I was scurrying around the house getting stuff done feeling very behind on my seemingly urgent tasks. Our third child invited me to play dolls. Pause. Graciously say no or accept this opportunity to connect with my daughter? In the moment, my overwhelmed with my work– heart was faint. I thought, “I can’t play right now!” Yet, the Holy Spirit changed my thoughts to dependence and flexibility in my weakness. We had a great time playing. When I went back to work, my heart was more tender than it was previously.
Feeling overwhelmed is a signal to check my heart’s dependence on God. Am I softened to the Holy Spirit? Digging in to depend on God? Do I find my soul’s refreshment in God’s sufficiency? In these times, I’m learning to cling to my savior who accomplished perfect work on the cross and continues to save me from my sin. God meets me at the point of my prideful self-sufficiency and lovingly brings me to my knees in worshipful dependence.
Worship through work is not just working hard for God’s glory; it is also in the attitude of humility, realizing how weak and unable we are. We can all grow in dependence on Christ and boast in our weakness. We must humble ourselves before the face of God and thank him for the gift of weakness.
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04.18.10
Posted in Independence, worship at 8:38 pm by trisha
“Do it… by myself!” I have heard those cantankerous words many times from my children, as toddlers. It is somehow adorable and aggravating at the same time, huh? Those words make an attempt at independence from my help. My kids have actually pushed my hands away as I have tried to help them: pull up their pants, tie a shoe, wipe their nose, etc. Some natural independence that comes with maturing I understand, but under the basic desire has a whiff of that familiar rebellion that my heart knows oh so well…. it smells like my own life long attitude to God–“Do it by myself”.
I am zooming in on what I call Godless Independence. It’s Godless because it denounces consciously or unconsciously the presence of God in our lives. Godless because it says to God, “ I got this one, thank you very much.”
One could blame this human independence issue on our culture, thriving on accomplishments and performance. One could decide to blame it on: apathetic communities that turn their backs on poverty–which can produce some independent, bitter people vowing never to burden society again, poor parenting, absent family members, bullies who slap you around, feminist philosophies meant to drain you of the Biblical confidence in God’s design for our roles, and/ or the buffet of worldly ideas that build your “self concept.” Our world loves independence! We praise you for “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps”, proud of your ability to shine while you did it all alone.
Actually, the blame.. the Core of the issue doesn’t lie within these circles outside ourselves. They are noteworthy influences, that is true. However, the real problem lies in our own hearts. You, and me babe. We are born with a resistance to God’s help. That urge to go it alone is a battle within our heart. It is in opposition to God’s loving enabling grace for us.
God lovingly and sovereignly created us in His image. We belong to him and are made for His Glory. Since the Fall, God’s beloved kids have foolishly claimed, “Do it by myself!” To –God! How wretched! From our career building to spouse selection, we know best? What? Especially with the little things: our schedules, our friendships, our tasks; do we believe that God cares and is paying attention to the details of our lives? Do we really believe that we can chart our own course?
I have been an Independence Queen. I shudder looking back on the foolish and prideful beliefs that I have acted on. A few years ago, I had this helpful image in mind when describing this Godless Independence. The picture was of me walking along: focused, driven, and Jesus is holding my hand, enabling each event, relationship, and task. In my independence, I shake his hand away. At first casually I shrug him off. I think. Then, my desires and my own ambition shakes him off a little harder. My sinful desires want to pridefully accomplish life and deny the supernatural enabling grace of the Holy Spirit. Thankfully, that isn’t the whole picture. He doesn’t let me shake him away!
With repentence is the gentle reminder that God never left me, even as I try to shake his hand off. The only difference is my perception of his presence. He is always present, even if my self-sufficient heart believes he isn’t with me. God faithfully purses me personally while I stubbornly resist his help.
It is his grace at work helping me to declare war with this version of Independence. This sin, when carried out to its fullest is the horrific belief that I could actually pay the price for my sin. Godless Independence says, “I will die for myself.”
The Cross of Jesus shows me the miraculous grace that transforms this independent queen into a joyful dependent servant for God’s glory. Jesus has already won every battle that I am fighting or will fight. His righteous blood shed for me has paid the price for my sin. Christ Jesus is my Savior and I celebrate His saving grace and transforming grace that continues to change my heart.
Dependence on God is only as the Holy Spirit works to redeem me. I am asking for help a lot more often from God and others. Feeling tender-hearted and heavy with the weight of various responsibilities characterizes my thoughts. Fear of God and Prayer are Biblical categories that have given me rich truths to cling to. I am still running fast and with passion, but I am finding more joy in worship along the way: seeing my strength, identity, and all love from my Jesus.
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