holistic Worship

I had a burst of excitement this morning, one of those moments where many truths hit you in to one momentous jolt of heart! As Mike talks with me about Worship and Change, and reading his latest paper on counseling that confronts religious dualism, I am jumping with joy that I get more of the gospel! 

Change happens in some ways layers at a time over time. In our community, there is a lot of teaching and biblical plea to address heart and not just behavior. But, they are connected not separated parts of who we are.

For me to see what I worship- my idols, my straying heart, is to address the spiritual part of who I am. As I repent of sin, acknowledge who I am in Christ, I can rejoice of his grace! Out of that joy of right worship, my heart is shaped, and the other parts may be affected. The heart is connected to the body.

Proverbs 14: 30 A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.

The heart is connected to the mind and strength.

Mark 12: 30 Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.

To worship Christ, I don’t just worship with my spirit, but as my heart is joined with Christ, through progressive sanctification, my whole self is made holy!

Holistic:(from ὅλοςholos, a Greek word meaning all, entire, total) is the idea that all the properties of a given system (biological, chemical, social, economic, mental, linguistic, etc.) cannot be determined or explained by its component parts alone. Instead, the system as a whole determines in an important way how the parts behave.

My whole self, holistically worships, thru repentance and progressive change.. I am already holy in Christ, free, forgiven, His blood covers every part of my pain and sin. Yet, I still work out my salvation with fear and trembling, not because I am unsure of His grace, but because I know Christ’s grace covers me. I am humbled by the battle over my flesh so that I never take his grace for granted. My wretchedness shows me what to rejoice over. I rejoice in Christ and the grace and love he offers.

“There are other parts to being human. In Eric Johnson’s book, “Foundations for Soul Care”, he proposes four “orders of meaning” They are all interrelated and touch on one another, but they are hierarchically ordered. That means that some of them are more significant than others. His orders of meaning in order of the greatest to least significance: spiritual, ethical, psychosocial, and biological. Just because, these are distinct orders doesn’t mean they are disconnected from each other. For example, if I repent of sin at the spiritual order, that will have cascading changes throughout the lower orders, possibly even to the point of rewiring neural networks in the brain at the biological level. Going the other way, if my brain suffers injury, that would undoubtedly impact the higher orders that are built upon it; I may become more emotionally volatile which becomes a temptation to sin in my anger.” -Mike Wilkerson

Holistic Worship is the seeing myself in Christ, whole and new. Until we are glorified with Christ, we have to contend with our fallen bodies, depraved hearts, and minds affected by sin. In Christ, we have freedom, joy, calling, adoption, and GRACE in the midst of suffering. Jesus Christ took the punishment for our sin and only by grace did he do this!  And I am in awe and fully boast in Christ!

Galations 6:14 May I never boast except in the cross of our Lord Jesus Christ, through which the world has been crucified to me, and I to the world.

Restoring Worship

What is worship? For the last 6 months, I have been sharing my heart regarding my struggle to worship God in and thru my work. Hence the name of this blog. Understanding how to steward God’s gifts and worship Him with my work is my journey.

What are your associations with the word- worship? Do you think (music)? Or all things spiritual? Well, we are all worshippers. Worshippers of Creator or Creation. Do we worship God or the things he made? He is a loving and jealous God who wants me to continue to see my stream of idols that replace him. But, repentance is NOT just seeing idol and throwing it away. God wants me to see it, confess it, worship him instead, then see that thing redeemed. So, the glutton learns how to eat again without sin- but as an act of worship, of freedom. For me, I don’t just confess my independent streak in my heart and despise my competence and strength. Repentance is still being strong and competent but as a dependent on God worshipper.

Worship isn’t just getting rid of idols. It is rightly restoring the created thing in its place.  So, that my heart worships God. He alone is to be worshipped.

Pastor Mark preached about worship this past Sunday. As I sat next to my husband for the sermon and singing for the whole service (baby Lydia made it in the nursery the whole time for the first time!), I was so grateful for good biblical insight about worship. Grateful to God for scripture to speak to me. For the Lord to show me how my heart turns so quickly to idols instead of Him in worship.

And it is so worth watching and having a soft heart before the Lord to reveal idols and help you explore what worship is to you. Enjoy!

At the end of the sermon, take special note of the questions that dig at your heart. He asks some great probing questions for seeing your idols.

My Journey to 30.

I am 30 years old today. I feel tearful today, reflective, as I ponder the work of Jesus in my heart. I celebrate his redemption. Thank you for celebrating with me as I tell a story.

My Journey…

Looking back to a distant story, I see sadness and grief -for a little girl who was left alone to grow. She was lied to, spit upon as though a fool, and handed over to enemies. She is but a fuzzy memory. I cry for her confusion, for her innocence, her betrayal.

I see a glorious Redeemer snatching this girl up, hiding her under His wing, wiping tears from her gentle cheek and securing her in his love. I see her take a breath for the first time. She is safe. He is her new Father, who will never leave, and a parent who always tells her the truth.

She endures the lie for a life- with her redeemer comforting, protecting her heart, giving her what she needed to survive.

Then, I see this growing up girl shaking that Redeemer’s hand off of her hand, as he tries to walk with her as she grows, she knows he loves her, yet she has a better way to deal with her pain. She denies his presence, and in His face she mocks him with her independent and arrogant passion to be “somebody.” A proud vow to be a good person.

Faithful as the Redeemer always is, he hangs back and lets her discover that she is in desperate need of Him. She turns and sees him standing there, arm’s open. She runs into his arms, repenting of her foolish pride.

I see this girl, now grown up, straining forward not looking back, pretending that she wasn’t that little abandoned girl, she pretends and continues to strive for peace, yet it is half hearted. Her Redeemer again faithfully holds her hand and shows her her heart and to walk in both the knowledge of her pain and suffering and her repentance of sin, that she is a whole woman, and her pain is not ignored. She grieves for the first time, thru her weakness, her desperate need.

She is running, she has a group of people with her. A fiercely faithful Godly man with his hand in hers, women running behind her, and four little children, running on the sidelines. She isn’t alone. She realizes that she needs them. She is weak with delight and her heart is softened. Her Redeemer is always there, always giving her direction on where the journey is going. She doesn’t doubt him or shake his hand off anymore. She can breathe deep breaths of relief that though she tried, he hasn’t let her make him leave her.

The miracle of her heart and her healing is only her redeemer’s work, she calls his name as much as she can! She runs, she journeys, she sometimes doesn’t even see the road, yet he guides her.

She trips over rocks and falls down as the journey has unexpected twists and hurdles. The Redeemer has taught her to look up first before she picks herself up and look for his hand to help her. She cries that He never leaves, no matter how many times, she forgets to look for his hand.

Her sin, her heart, are constantly being forgiven, and loved as she journeys. She runs, trying not to stop. She isn’t alone and will never be. She can always trust her Redeemer. His love is steadfast and pure.

Thank you, Jesus for Redeeming ME. I can breathe now. My heart is overwhelmed at your gift to me.

I praise you, my redeemer, for saving me from myself. and blessing me beyond what I could ever dream.  30 years down, many more to go, for you Lord Jesus to get your glory.

Training Kids in Productivity

Our household runs like a machine- most days. I have three extremely verbal, energetic, and planner kids, and one mellow baby. For our days to flow peacefully, I have to plan well and we all have to depend on one another to execute our daily plan.

Mike and me are both “J” leaning towards OCD-ish on the “Myers- Briggs Personality Assessment tool. So, you can imagine how we parent in an organized and planned fashion. We laugh sometimes at how un-spontaneous we are, so we plan spontaneous margin for our weekends, so that our kids can have great ideas and we don’t say no every time.

This past weekend, we have had many projects around the house, mainly getting our detached garage apartment on our property ready to rent.  Used to our “projects”, our kids rallied around us carrying big sticks confiscated from our forest for a yard, asking us what they could help us with. We put them to work, praised their adorable efforts, and got dirty with our kids. It was so much fun. Our oldest (6 1/2 year old boy), said he loved gathering rocks, because you never know what rock treasure you can find!

I was thinking as we were working with our kids of the value of work ethic and not just teaching our kids about work and how Christ calls us to stewardship, we also need to get dirty with our kids and enjoy work with them, so that they see the joy in productivity. That tasks and even hard labor is fun, rewarding, and an act of worship.

Routines are essential for our household to run smoothly and efficiently. The older 3 come upstairs right at 7 already dressed for the day, greeting Mike and I for breakfast. Chaos ensues until about 8am as four children work out their breakfast requests, Mike and I scurry about the kitchen meeting their needs as well as our own, hopefully. Each day, in the afternoon, I have our sons do 5 things off a list: 1, 30 minute independent reading, house chore, workbook, house chore with me, and 30 - 60 minute media time. They love the last one the most, lately everyday it is the Wii, star wars. I am so impressed that their hearts are typically not complaining, that God has helped them have content hearts as they set out to do their tasks, they enjoy it and take pride in a job well done. I watch them and coach them, praise them, and talk with them about their days. Sure, there are times where they need reminded to follow through, but as they mature, they need fewer reminders.

Productivity for kids is just living your heart out with your work in front of your kids and inviting them into the process. I have also recently been revealing to my kids that I don’t want to do work sometimes and that mom needs Jesus to help me accomplish this or that.  They are watching me, which increases both my passion and my fear for the call on my life to steward, to love these precious kids.

the Idol of accomplishment

Repenting of my pride in work is tough. I love productivity. Many days I feel more confident and satisfied if at the end of the day I have much to show for it. I enjoy the results. I am the girl that loves the house make-over shows. I love to work hard on a project or my everyday tasks and take a good look at the “after.”

Making lists isn’t all bad. But, what is my heart about when I make them and finish the tasks? I generally feel proud of myself when I can check many things off my task list. In-fact, I have joked before that if I do additional tasks, I will add them just to have more checked off. Making a list organizes me but it also gives me a vision for the day. This is negative if my vision for the day shrinks to the daily tasks. Is share the gospel on the fly with a stranger at the park, encourage my husband spontaneously with sex, think and learn about my world and how it is hurting, on my list? Things that aren’t in my life starring at me, usually aren’t on my list. Which, reinforces the idea that lists shrink my life and don’t encourage me to think of God’s supreme transcendence.

So, the real question is: What does God want to accomplish through me today? Not, what tasks that are in my shrunk little kingdom of Wilkerson are to be accomplished today? Not, what things am I most excited to do today? Not, what items are pressuring me to anxiety?

It is idolatry for me, if I clench my fist around accomplishments or if I look for meaning from accomplishments. I worship the idol of accomplishment, when I stroke it with a prideful satisfaction when I work hard to do my life.

Worship through work is the repentance God is after in me and the reason for this blog- to process my journey to worship, to encourage others to see Jesus Christ in their work, to see His hand and give Him glory, not self.

I confess my sin of this idolatry, replacing the pride of accomplishment, with the hope for humility and dependence on Christ in my work.  Repentance for me is to ask the Lord each day what my tasks should be, and as He enables me to accomplish my satisfaction in it would not be absorbed by me, but pass on to Him. Making Jesus look good, not me.

Passionate Worship

Do I fall at the feet of Jesus in complete adoration? Do I care too much of the opinion of others that I am distracted in my worship? If my God were in my home, would I see Him and know what humble and passionate worship would be? Or would I be my “default self” distracted and proud?

Mary, the sister of Lazarus and Martha: she sat at Jesus Christ’s feet and listened to his teaching. She chose the good portion, which would not be taken away from her. In Luke 10, I have read so many times this story and have taught on Martha- here is a link to the article, I wrote on Martha and her distraction: http://voxpopnetwork.com/reformingthefeminine/2008/02/09/margaret/ 

So, what did Mary get so right? Jesus said, ” Mary has chosen the good portion and it will not be taken away from her.”

Mary was open and flexible: Martha and Mary lived in the same home in Bethany. Mary and Martha both had to be hard workers to keep their home. They were hospitable and loved Jesus. When, Jesus entered their home, on the spur of the moment, Mary knew in her heart that listening to his teaching and setting at his feet would be the good choice. She was blessed in this act of worship.

Mary responds with passion:In Luke 10, when Jesus was in her home, she quickly responded with attentive ears and a posture of worship, setting at his feet listening to God. And in John 11, Lazarus died. He was the brother of Martha and Mary, and Jesus loved them all. Lazarus had been sick and Jesus knew that he had died, while he was away. Martha went to find Jesus to tell him and he started walking towards Bethany (Jerusalem was just a couple miles away) and she stayed there until Martha came back to tell her that Jesus was asking for her. Mary jumped up and ran out to Jesus, who was in the same spot he was when talking with Martha on the road somewhere between Jerusalem and Bethany. The Jewish crowd that was with Martha and Mary while they were mourning was so moved by Mary’s jumping up to run out to Jesus, that they went too. When they all got to Jesus, Mary fell at Jesus’ feet. Her tears and their tears moved Jesus. And he wept too. How amazing. Her passion, her love, moved JESUS! He knew he would raise Lazarus, he had a plan because he loved them all. Yet, he still wept with them. This is huge for me as I walk with hurting people. Flying a victory banner over some-one’s pain doesn’t communicate love, weeping with them and reminding them of God’s sovereignty is love. Jesus embraced Mary’s mourning by also mourning. wow.

Mary is generous. In John 12, this is where the same Mary anoints Jesus with very expensive perfume. Her devoted sister faithfully serves a meal to Jesus, the back to life Lazarus, Jesus, and the disciples. Mary poured this perfume on Jesus’ feet and wiped his feet with her hair. Jesus’ response to Judas’ push-back on Mary’s actions, once again shows that Mary instead of selling this perfume to give the money to the poor she chose to be worshipful in choosing to anoint her God before his death. Jesus defended her actions in Luke 10 and here, making sure that those who complained about her actions, knew that she was making the good choice. Matthew and Mark say that she poured it on his head and feet. Wiping his feet with her hair was truly an act of worship with humility and devotion. I can’t imagine doing this. I hope that I would have ignored all of those people around and humbly worshiped my God. I am sad to say my struggle is caring too much what those near would think of me. Mary didn’t seem to care. She worshipped Jesus with a passionate decisiveness that I am longing to see lived out in my heart and life!

My world can shrink so easily to the size of my life, my tasks, my own pain. I feel like if I can consistently see the sovereignty of God and walk in the knowledge of God’s transcendent character, my fear of man will fade away and my passionate pursuit of God’s holiness will replace it. As I study Mary, I am encouraged to see a woman who at least a couple times worshiped Jesus with decisive, passionate, and humble responses.

Psalm 25 comes to mind when I pray for a heart to worship with passion and humility.

Psalm 25: 4 Make me to know your ways, O LORD; teach me your paths. 5Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. 6Remember your mercy, O LORD, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. 7Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me,for the sake of your goodness, O LORD! 8 Good and upright is the LORD; therefore he instructs sinners in the way.9He leads the humble in what is right,and teaches the humble his way. 10All the paths of the LORD are steadfast love and faithfulness,for those who keep his covenant and his testimonies.

For this in a song form: check out: www.marshillchurch.org/audio/Psalm25_Parsons_070610AM11.mp3

He works…for His good pleasure!

God is the Master laborer. I am part of his labor! My heart is full of amazement this week as I meditate on:

Philippians 2:12-14 Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, so now not only as in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, For it is God who works in you, both to will and to work for his good pleasure.

Working out our salvation with fear and trembling: this is awe and reverence rather than panic and alarm. My ESV Reformation Study Bible says- the right emotions are stirred by the presence of God. This salvation in the full, redemptive sense with particular stress on the sanctification of the believer. The sanctifying process calls for obedience.

God who works in you:While we are fearing and trembling at God’s presence, God is actively paying attention. He is taking notes on us, thinking, knowing us, arranging things for us, and lovingly guiding the whole universe to work according to his plan for each of us.

CAN YOU BELIEVE- that the same Lord who placed the stars in the sky and imagined and created every living creature, is watching us, loving us, and working things out for us? I am in awe at the hugeness and personal-ness of our God. I love it that God works for his own satisfaction, glory, and pleasure. He is Holy in His pursuit of His own glory.

I explained this to my boys this week that God is thinking about them. I told the boys how I have a journal that I take notes on my kids and how to best shepherd them, what they are going through in their lives, and how to encourage, serve, protect, etc. I am doing a fraction of the detailed work of shepherding the hearts of my kids, compared to the work of God in our hearts. He is all-knowing, all-powerful, and perfect.

For His Good Pleasure: I set here and try to picture God’s pleasure. What does that look like? Is he laughing in delight in heaven? Is his pleasure like sunshine rays coming through clouds? What does it look like for God to will and to work for his good pleasure?

I love that God delights in his work and I am one of his works, that he delights in, knows, loves personally, and works things out for my good, ultimately giving himself glory.

I do not work on my own, it is God willing and working with His magnificent power and attention to details of my heart. As my heart worships God-replacements (idols) less over time, I am at a place where that “fear and trembling” is more frequent and my heart is full of adoration and is completely awestruck!

I (We) are God’s Workmanship

Ephesians 2:10For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

A few posts back, I wrote about God’s grace at work in my work. I have been meditating on that for awhile and the above verse.

I am amazed that as I am stewarding many things and people, God is working on me. He has prepared work for me to do. Every task, every relationship, God has prepared in advance specifically for me to do- unto His glory.

I am God’s workmanship, not just the work that he has for me to do. I am a work for him. Get it? As I grow in Christ, repent, mature, suffer, experience abundant grace in my life, I am a work.

It is interesting, I despise feeling like a “project” and am aware when I have made people “projects” in my life- out of a sinful place of self-righteousness. I don’t want to be anyone’s project! Yet, as a child of the King, I am his project, that is what being made holy is all about.

As I ponder, being God’s workmanship, I am humbled that I am far from being a finished project. God sees me and He sees much sin still.

The awesome news is: that when God sees me He doesn’t see just me, He sees Christ over me. He is my identity and His righteousness is MINE. The pressure is off! GOD doesn’t see just a work in progress- a continual project (me)- God sees Christ a finished work (because of the miraculous work on the cross) for me.

I love that I am a project, now. I pray that as I work on my smaller projects here on earth- I will continue to be humbled by this truth.

Working through the Junk Drawer

I have three junk drawers in my home.

Growing up, we always had these deep and dark and sometimes dangerously packed full drawers. Often it was the most handy and the top drawer in the kitchen or office. Anything small and handy, ackward, random and unnecessary would land in this vortex of a space. I use them now as a de-cluttering option for my kitchen and office space. When, random objects appear, it isn’t long before they make their homes in the junk drawer. Every few months, I take a few minutes and empty most of the junk drawer items in to the trash. I always think to myself, “why didn’t this things go to the trash can right away?” Why on earth did we keep that?

I think that my heart is like a junk drawer. There are good things along with the useless in there.

My heart collects packets of information, random thoughts, beliefs about God, relationship receipts, little pointless pieces of data, and many other threads of curious motivations. Working thru the junk drawer of my heart is being willing to be exposed for all the trash among the “keepers.”

Working thru the junk drawer is similar to the processing of my heart.  I can completely ignore my junk drawer and avoid it at all costs because it is screaming at me to organize, throw away, make sense out of random items. My heart accumulates junk. In fact, the illusion is when the drawer is closed, it looks like my spaces are clean and organized, when in fact there is old junk, if you just open that drawer.

Repentance is the process of opening of the drawer with a vision for change- a heart softened to the Lord to change. To turn from my sin and claim more of Jesus. I believe in progressive sanctification. It is a process of continuing to lay hold of the righteousness that is ours in Christ. 

Hebrews 10:22 Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.

I desire to walk ever so closely with Jesus, keeping my focus on him, and in full assurance of my faith, my heart is cleansed.  The junk drawer is worked thru and redeemed.

Weary with Work

I am exhausted.  Weary. Emotionally. Physically. I am fighting for my time with God and straining to keep my eyes on Him thru meditation, prayer, a soft heart to listen to His voice. 

Weariness sets in and the temptation with it is to lose heart.  

Hebrews 12: 1Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. 2Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. 3Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.

Do I see Jesus thru my weariness? God tells me in this verse to consider Jesus who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that I will not grow weary and lose heart. 

If I fix my eyes on Jesus, my heart is able. My heart is able to give, love, focus, and worship.

In my distraction- my heart loses focus. My vision is blurry. Fixing my eyes on Jesus makes me see 20/20. And everything lines up.

Jesus is the only hope for the weary, for my weariness.

Isaiah 40:31 but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.